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Is this all that there is? *Trig*

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Posted December 20th 2011 at 10:04 PM by Anatidaephobia


I remember it clearly. I wish I'd never have gone to my psychology teacher now. She was right. I don't deserve to go to uni. Why should she predict me grades I can't possibly achieve? I was 5 marks off a B I should have just accepted that was It she basically told me I wasn't good enough. The worst part is I knew she was right. I didn't tell her my reason. I was crying my eyes out afterwards. My friend tried to get me to tell her but I wasn't going to. She'd have a field day if she knew my friend killed herself. But no one knows. I didn't want my friend to know but it just slipped out. She asked me what could be so bad that I didn't want to tell her? I screamed at her. I felt horribly guilty for it. This was 2 months ago. I didn't tell anyone about it. I just sat in psychology crying my eyes out, when someone asked if I was ok. I'd simply reply "Yes." Of course I was lying but no one cared enough to pull me up on it.

2 months later I now have 2 rejections from Uni's. One of them was the Uni that I had my heart set on. Wish I didn't. It just proved to me that I'm not good enough. I'm not clever enough. I've been crying for 4 hours straight. I feel like such an idiot. The worst part is going back to school. Hearing about how everyone else has offers. Yeah I don't. I don't even want to go back there. I act like I don't give a crap. But I do. I care a lot more than I let anyone know. But no one knows the real me.

I'm scared this is what my life's going to be like from here on out. Rejection after rejection. Who'd want me after all?

Everything’s so hard right now and no one even cares. I'm so tired of not been good enough. All I want to do is curl up and die. I'm glad I brought these pills and blades now.

I don't know if anything will ever be ok.
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  1. Old Comment
    Palmolive's Avatar
    Truth be told, getting in to Uni is hard, but it doesn't mean that its over. If you don't get any offers this year, you can try again next year. By next year, you might have had more experience, you could do volunteer work, find a passion. Make sure you're doing what you really want to do. Aim high dear because you are more than capable of achieving your goals. Honestly, I know tons of people who got 'rejected' last year who are now getting places. It doesn't mean its over. It just means its taking more time than you expected which is why its always good to have a Plan B. So while you wait for the other responses, how about you look into other things in what you could do in a gap year? Theres so pretty damn good and rewarding things out there, you'll be surprised.

    Keep fighting xxxx
    permalink
    Posted December 20th 2011 at 10:15 PM by Palmolive Palmolive is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Angiebug's Avatar
    Getting into School is hard. If im reading this right you just lost a friend? Losing someone is hard. It takes your mind to a state that doesnt function the way is should. You can always go to a community school to get your grades to where YOU want them, and transfer to the Uni YOU want. You will always miss your friend, things maynot ever go back to the way they were. But things can be "ok" things can be whatever you want to make it.
    permalink
    Posted December 20th 2011 at 10:31 PM by Angiebug Angiebug is offline
  3. Old Comment
    WhisperingSilence's Avatar
    You are good enough and uni isn't everything, You can still do well without going to uni, most uni students at the moment who have left uni can't even get a job. LOts of people get rejection letters from uni. Maybe take a year out and do a course at a college you really enjoy and then re apply for uni . Keep going you can do this. You are good enough. One day every thing will be ok, keep fighting and keep going. Things can get better.
    permalink
    Posted December 21st 2011 at 03:02 PM by WhisperingSilence WhisperingSilence is offline
  4. Old Comment
    zombiehunterforhire's Avatar
    You've always been good enough Emma. You're a fantastic person and deserve the best. You're a very strong person and i know you can get through this. I believe in you. P.M me if you have to.
    permalink
    Posted December 21st 2011 at 05:59 PM by zombiehunterforhire zombiehunterforhire is offline
 
 
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