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I was going to again tonight, until I got the notification. Now I've promised myself to wait at least until the current ones have all healed.
There is so much I could write but I just want to say thank you
However, it's 1AM and I am sooo tired.

Omg u hate myself so muc. I wouldnt carebif I dued anykore. Id only b doing eveyone else a fscour. But in too selfsish to do it. Oh well. Omg im such a xunt

Drunk. Trying nt to sh. But I think im going yo. I hate my dasm we hace notuing in coonon. Ges a self ritch3uos impsyiebt cunt
hnight

I really want to but I won't. Not on Christmas Day (ignoring about half 12 this morning (well, yesterday morning now actually!) before I went to sleep). Dez wad really helpful with the thread I posted. I'm really grateful, that's about the third one I've wasted get time on, but it's really kind of her though.
Ah well
I'm resisting, g'night!

Or not, as the case may be. Turns out, I was self harming as it hit christmas day. I know people want christmas to be memorable, but not like that.
I have a bone to pick with nature. Why is self harm the easiest on my arms??? I've been trying to stick to only cutting my thighs as no one will ever see them, but cutting my arms is so much easier. Its so annoying as that is where I scar quite easily, and after my face that part of my body that is visible most often. I only wear long sleeved...

I literally cannot stop myself. Every day. Even on Christmas Eve, when I should be happy.
And I'm not sure if I'm developing an ED or not. Because I'm so self concious about my mouth, I never eat in public, skip breakfast whenever I can, and eat less in between meals, so I basically only now only eat dinner. Even then its because my mum is on the room. Every time I look in the mirror I'm filled with self loathing.
So not only am I trying not to self harm half an hour before christmas...

Didn't really drink much, plus food, so sobered up pretty fast, but already too triggered
Aaaaahhhhh well

I can feel the numbness alcohol brings coursing through my body already. I haven't eaten all day, which only intensifies the effect. Its the closest thing to a sensory deprivation "drug" I have, so I appreciate the existence,seeing as I've never tried any form of illegal recreational drug, but the only problem is it makes self harm a lot easier, and lowers inhibitions.