Time to make another whiny blog post

1) After about 10 weeks, I relapsed. I've had enough of everything.

2) I have a huge exam tomorrow, and I have spent the entire weekend playing video games. I've got literally no self discipline.

3) As much as I don't want to admit it, my dad had this work colleague at our house for the night because he's over from another country. And I really like him. He's a lot younger than my dad, late 20s ish. It's annoying...

It's kinda depressing that the only reason I didn't relapse on my 17th birthday is that i couldn't find anything to cut with.
My friends bought me a cake, which was a nice gesture until in the centre of attention while I'm eating. I can hardly say I don't want any when it was bought for me

Anyway im really tired so gnight

I know it sounds stupid, but half the time when I eat I just want to throw up. Sometimes after eating anything I want for nothing more than for my stomach to be empty. But I cant bring myself to actually do it. I'm worried if I can do it once, it will be so much easier the second time.

I have this "friend". He attention-seeks more than anyone I know and it annoys EVERYONE. E.g. I make a joke about having too much caffiene. The weekend after I discovered proplus, he comes in saying he ate and entire pack of caffiene pills and collapsed. I know this isn't true because a) his mum and mine tell each other literally everything; if anything happens to my parents I will go to his in their will and b) today I took twice the recommended dosage and he told me how bad that is,...

So...
I would imagine Rob will demote asap. I felt really bad, I completely forgot

My life; I turn 17 on thursday. I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone, no surprises there , yada yada yada.
Exams in a few weeks, completely unprepared.
I spend all of my time playing video games because I have no self discipline.
I drink a large coffee in the morning, followed by several sugar free energy drinks throughout the day, as well as caffiene...

I never liked my hair. But I was used to it. I had it quite long, not like, shoulder length or anything like that, just normal I guess. Unfortunately, it's really thick, so I almost always look like I have a crash helmet on
Got a haircut, mostly just thinning, a little shorter.

I dont remember the last time my hair was this short. As if mirrors weren't triggering enough already. Didnt like it before, but I just got used to it. Never gonna have the confidence to our stuff...

Well. First off I think I will PM Rob about removing my buddy status. It might not be the most important position, but I feel bad when I'm not putting in the time someone else might. Its not that I don't want to be here, but when I have good days I don't want to come on here and get triggered.

Second, Febuary 14th tomorrow. A day that I thought would just be triggering. Now I'm just confused.

First of, this isn't me feeling sorry for myself, it's a fact pure and...

Joined the facilitated discussion which is about building self-confidence. Kind of ironic then seeing as I didn't have the confidence to bring up my own issues. I just cut for the second time today. Its just so depressing. I thought sixth form would be a fresh start, new friends, I might start going out a bit more, but no. Instead they still go out with all of their friends from previous schools. Therefore I'm left at home to dwell on my own thoughts, getting increasingly triggered until I can't...

Went 9 days SH free, then 12. Then 3 days cutting in a row, the most recent being about 5 minutes ago. I've gone back to carrying a blade inside my phone case wherever I go. Its like a security blanket. Walking into school the other day my leg starting bleeding, I could feel the warmth seeping down my leg. Ffs.

Every time I smile enough to expose my teeth I instantly get so self concious I start digging my fingers into my cuts. I hate me so much.

One of my lessons...