Coming off leave has to be the best thing I've done this month.

Ok, so taking time off should have helped but actually it made things worse. I think I'm built to help people. Helping people really helps me. Haha.

But yeah, now I've been back on HelpLink I feel so much happier. I tried to give myself proper time off and it didn't work, but now I'm back I'm happier.

I love this site. <3

I feel lost without him.

And definitely an almost anorexic.

Those are my behaviours right now anyway. And my thoughts.

I'm just not at the right weight to be counted as one yet.

But I'm getting there.

And I don't even care.

If I manage to get to school I'll have to spend the day pretending I'm fine. I can't let him know I'm still struggling, I have to be nice, I have to be considerate and I have to pretend things are getting better.

If I can make it till Tuesday then I can talk to Pete. Not that I'll know what to say.

I just want it all to stop. I want to over dose. But I'm scared. Not of dying. But of dying slowly. And then there's part of me that just wants to get ill and injured. A cry for help. But in my head I don't want people to know it was on purpose. Fake an accident or something. Then I can get off school and not have to worry about anything. And if I die then it'll be fine.

I'm collecting painkillers again. I don't know whether I'll take them. I'm scared but I want this to be over. But...