I really want to meet up with some TH people. But I don't think any of you guys live near me.

Any Newcastle THers?

I'm so confused about myself right now. Perhaps I'll just stop thinking. Perhaps I'll forget about it all and if I end up killing myself or cutting or starving then I'll have to start thinking again. How can things keep swinging from good to bad and back to good again? Is it just hormones? I swear to God I hope this is just hormones.

I can't tell what I'm fighting any more.

I don't want to fight any more.

Maybe I'll stop fighting.

I should spend every day with my boyfriend. I eat pretty normally around him, he makes it easier because he loves how I look and always makes me feel good about myself.

But I know I'll be restricting tomorrow. I feel guilty about today and I can feel myself losing control. I don't want to gain. Even though I know I won't I'm still terrified.

I tried to talk to my mum again. She doesn't even let me start. I want to tell her that I counted out the pills, that I tried...

I thought I'd gained weight over my holiday, but actually I've lost it. I don't understand, because I ate so much. I mean, I didn't hit the guide line, but I ate seriously loads more than I normally do, and I still lost a decent amount. I don't understand. Does that mean to maintain I'll have to eat even more? Because I was struggling enough as it was to eat that amount. I mean, when I binge I can go forever, but when I'm eating normally, well I can't really eat normally. I always restrict in some...