Help me be strong, guys.
I don't know what to do. I have been crying all night. And you know...I am so used to it.
Just ...encouraging words?

So, Jose broke up with me laat night. In a text message.
He said we could date after New Years but we need a break because his parents tradition.
What tradtion?!
I just said "k".
I don't think I want to be with him again. I know I do not want to talk to him.

But you guys all know Alan, Bryans (Ex of 4 years) best friend?
Yeah, he said he like me yesterday.
We talked about so much. I never stopped liking Alan. Duh. He was the only...

Baby Face-Nobody knows it but me.

Just singing' it over and over.

I don't know anything anymore..
I'm drifting.
Going deep withing myself.
Outcasting myself from everyone.
I want to be alone.
I m tired of putting my faith in people.
I am closing my heart and emotiona and ny ties to people.
Just me now.

Haven't posted in awhile...
That makes me feel that I put a pause on my life. This blog is the only thing that listens to me...
Now, let's see...

Three days so far. Three days ago Jose Esquivel asked me out. It's going good...
Truthfully though. He's the only one I talk to. The only one I text 24/7 . I hate it.
I text other people too. But their all guys. They are all my friends. But even still, I feel like such a whore.

Speaking of friends,...

What is wrong with him?!
How dare he ask me about my 4yr relationship with Bryan?!
How can he ask me how I got over him?!
The boy who made me sucidal.
The boy who made me cut.
The boy who made me starve myself.
The boy who made me depressed.
The boy who made me cry forever.

The boy who made me stronger.
The boy who made me wiser.
The boy who made me smarter.
The boy who made me realize promises can be broken....

Finals today and tomorrow and Friday.
I'm going to put in my best effort.
Can I do this?

As it gets closer to Christmas, my family reminds me how I ruined their Christmas last year, and how I better not ruin it this year.

Recap: Last year. I was angry. I was bitter. I was depressed. But mostly angry. I withdrew myself from everyone in the family. Christmas morning everybody went to open their gifts. I tried to stay in bed, but I got pulled out. They wanted to take pictures to see our faces. My sister Katie got money, my sister April got perfume and her special movie,...

What?
Why are you staring at me?
I'm only smiling?
Oh, what for?
What not for? I'm fighting.
For what?
For everything.
Like what?
Like you.
Why you?
Why not?
Why do I care so much?
Because when I don't, I know you can fall apart.
Thank me?

No, thank you.

All my friends hate me.(The ones in Drama anyway)
You'd think I'd be so upset over this.

But I stood up for someone I belived in. I spoke up for once.

For once I was heard.
I help everyone all he time, and they never notice, I slip up and it's noticed for everything

But...

I don't care.

I'm going to fight.
I'm not giving those stupid fucking people any sasification.

This is my life. ...

You knlw how they say love finds you, you don't find it?
I didn't belive it.
But I gave up.
And love came.
His name..Eskie!
I can feel it with him...perfect<3
Although I could never say,"I love you.", again, I can feel it, but that's all I will let hapen, just the feel.
Just the feel.
Last night, at like one in the morning, he said, "All I want for Christmas is you and a new pair of pants."
I said, "All i...