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Well, today was odd. For a number of reasons. To begin with, I got out of bed earlier than I needed to because I was hoping one of my british friends would come online. It didn't happen, but by that stage I needed to leave.

My appointment with Jens didn't happen. He had to cancel because he was needed urgently at the hospital or something, but he did drop by to tell my quickly that yes, I will be getting my license back.

DID YOU HEAR THAT? I GET TO DRIVE AGAIN!
...

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So I had a massive rant to Leisa (my community support worker) about how I feel like I have no friends and I feel like I'm going in circles and all the other stuff that's messing up my head at the moment. It ended up being quite a heated discussion

Her opinion is that I'm frustrated and bored. Well, yeah. But I'm also scared. And I explained to her about the fear and all my inadequacies and stuff. And yeah.

I mean I feel better for having ranted but that stuff...

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Sometimes it feels like everybody's suicidal and there's nothing I can do to help because you're all so far away. Seriously, what's with that? How am I meant to help you, or even comfort you, when you're so far away? I wish I could. I wish I could.

I know I'm not in the best place myself, with self-harm and that, but I'm not directly suicidal either. Oh sure, I have thoughts, and a plan, and the means, but I no longer have a timeframe. I could kill myself. But I don't want to. Because...

I didn't sleep well. I woke up so many times that I can't count them. My new flatmate snores. I just kept waking up. And waking up. And waking up some more.

Then my flatmate got up and had a shower. This wasn't too early, some time between nine and ten, but at that point I just gave up on the whole idea of sleep. It was obvious I wasn't going to get any more.

She left water all over the bathroom floor. Obviously doesn't use a bath mat. And hair, too. I'm not impressed....