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Okay, so, starting at the beginning, I slept five eighths of nothing. Then I got up, got dressed, did my ablutions, left the house, bought an energy drink to break my $20 (and for breakfast), caught a bus, smoked, attended P.E.T., which involved smoking, eating, talking, learning, realising things are out of control, talking too much, getting a 10/10 for my first quiz, and a carrot that lead to a lot of laughter.

After P.E.T., I'd planned to pick up my diary card from reception at...

I swear, I thought I knew what I was getting into.

Turns out I forgot how hard it is to read, to answer questions based on what I've learned, and adapt information.

I can do it, but goshdarn it's hella hard. Every time I spend more than twenty minutes trying to read, I feel like I'm bashing my brain with a pointy stick. Every time I spend more than ten minutes answering questions, words stop working and instead float around doing silly things like turning advocate into...

Working hard to keep it a lapse and not a regression, and I think I'm succeeding? Debbie said that when life is so chaotic (and she added that I seem to attract chaos ), emotions don't get a chance to return to baseline, and when that happens, each new trigger, no matter how small, sends the emotional intensity up and up and up until it's too much, and that's when I dissociate or act destructively or whatever. So . . . my task for the week is to keep adding to my list of triggers, and...

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.

Private entries cannot be viewed from this page. Click here to view this entry if you have permission to.