A little rant to keep me going

Wow.It's been a while since I've come on here,and even longer since I wrote to my blog.And no,it's not because I haven't needed the help,it's cos I didn't want it.The day after I posted my last blog,my Mum found out I was self harming.She walked in when I was about to do it,I hid my 'tool' of course,but she could see I'd been crying and we talked for what seemed like forever,when she asked me 'You haven't been self harming,have you?' and I just cried and said sorry I don't know how many times.So it's all out in the open.Yet nothing seems to be different.Or maybe it does.When I feel upset I seem to expect her to straight away understand everything, and when she doesn't,I get mad. But when she does ask me if I'm OK, I get really mad, thinking that I'm not always down-even though it is the majority of the time-. And sometimes I get so frustrated that it took her to practically walk in on me harming to realise I was doing it,that I actually cut. Jesus,I'm messed up. She mentioned seeing a counsellor,but now seems to have gone off the idea.Maybe she's realised she'll have to pay for it,and doesn't want to waste the money on my mental health well being.
And she can't even tell, when I've just done it.I don't know why I'd expect her to know just by looking at me, but I do.
I also expect her to know that it's not a fucking headache I need tablets for late at night, but it's for my wrist.And does she honestly think that I haven't cut since August 6th? She asked me to tell her when I feel I want to, then I wont do it..I obv haven't been to her, and she hasn't brought the subject up,so she must think I havn't done it since, even though I told her I did it most days.
Right
Sorry about that
Rant over now
I feel slightly better for that,and now I better go to bed, cos (yeyfor me) I get to go Go-Carting with my 2 sisters and their boyfriends and my lil brother tomorrow.I can hardly wait.
Jokes.