I'm so utterly exhausted. Spent the night crying and drinking and taking pills. Woke up this morning and was sick. That was gross considering the last thing I ate involved rice.

I ended up spending most of the day sleeping it off, and I still feel wrecked. I'm staying up to watch the new Lip Service and then I'm just going to crash and sleep some more. I'm not sure if it's related or not, but I keep getting hiccups and it's driving me round the bend. And I have no idea how to stop...

Pills. I think i'll just take them and end this all. i can't take this shit anymore

If you're thinking of killing yourself, please read this - a suicide survivor's story.
Source: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education SAVE

COMPLETE
This message is for those of you who are thinking about killing yourselves.

Like you, I did not really want to kill myself. I just wanted the overwhelming pain to stop. It felt like I was having a 24 hour anxiety attack. I could not concentrate. I was obsessing on fearful thoughts and feelings. My adrenalin...

The worst feeling in the world is when you reach out to someone and get ignored.*
I really don't think I can take much longer. My head is screaming at me.*
I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I need you so badly but I can't be rejected again do I guess I just have to keep pretending. Keep reliving everything. Keep struggling alone.*
I hurt all over but that's nothing compared to the things going on in my head.
I wish I was strong. I wish I could reach out to...

I miss you so much, I still can't stop thinking about you and what if I hadn't told everyone to block you, what if I hadn't left you alone. I should have been there for you like you always were for me, I'm so sorry.
Spent the last two nights just crying, I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm sorry

OHMYGOD, what a surprisingly expensive trip o.0

See, I didn't book my bus home in advance, which turned out to be a huge mistake, as all the day time buses were sold out, the overnight bus arrived at 1:50am, the 9:40am bus the next day meant I would have had to sleep on the floor of the public toilet or something . . .
The overnight bus was $57, the one the next day was $39.

I caught the overnight bus.

I get $189 a week. I spent $17.80 on cigarettes...

The thoughts are back, i thought they had gone away for awhile because i'm on vacation. But no. I want this to end. Im'm such an idiot, i thought i would get better. yeah right. I can't deal with this.

So, here I am. Sitting, one leg crossed over the other, casting occasional glances behind me at the rock wall.
It used to be a church, but for some reason they (don't ask me to specify 'they' - Lord only knows) converted the main part of the building into a rock wall and christened it a climbing centre.
Now, I'm sat before a table in the balcony cafe, where exhausted climbers or spectators can come to get a glimpse at the action.
There's plently of muscular women on the walls...

Can i give up now?
Im tired of the bullshit that is my life. Im done giving a shit. I give up.

So I've been gone a while. Sorry. I guess I should update you guys. *Basically I've not been coping at all. I'm not going to bore you all with that though as you all have better and more important things to be doing than reading about everything that's going on in my life. Sorry I've been gone so long. I hope that everyone has been doing ok. <3