Things are slowly getting better.
I haven't cut since Thursaday.
Alan is talking to me again.
My sister Steph is talking to me again.
The play we're doing is in two weeks.
Th CASHEE is a day before.
I have friends.
I have eniemes.
I have good grades. Makeing A's.
But something is still wrong.
No, it is not because I do not have a boyfriend or romantic love.
I think it is because I miss them.
I miss my Dad.
...

And I've learned, yet again, why it's a bad idea to put your trust in people.

They just lie to you.

At least if I were alone I could struggle more but not have to deal with the fact that I mean so little to people they can just mess me around all the time and know I'll go back to them. :/

Meant to be revising..
Cba
So tired and miserable..
Been tiding my room today with ma
Of course I had to hide some stuff in other places
But there's no room for most of it and it's just a huge pile half in my room half on the landing
Need to learn so much maths and english for when I go back
Will tomorrow though...
Hopefully I'll feel better soon
Hopefully I won't be so sad
Hopefully I'll be less of a pathetic idiot
I might as well...

*sighs* can't believe it
can't talk about it
made me cry though
then again i'd cried 4 times previously
think by the end i was on about 6 times of crying
cried another 2 since
that means ive cried 8 times already
so weak
and fucking mad

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Lately, I can't be happy.I just can't. I can usually always smile, be strong. But this time it truly is different. I can't even put on a fake smile anymore. I lost whatever strength I had. It is gone. Like my heart. It has gone.

It has said to me, "Sorry, Hope, your foolish mind and actions keep hurting. I'm leaving. I can't take the pain anymore. Bye."

Even my heart left me. Isn't that something? There has got to be something wrong with me.
All I can...

nocommenttt.blogspot.com

Sad and Lonely
Everything's going wrong
Don't feel like doing anything
Don't know what to do
The only thing I know is SH...
Feel so fat
Look so fat
Hate being fat
Wish I was pretty
Suppose I am being selfish
I am selfish
I'm just horrible...
And I don't know how to change Don't want to change
Ugh... I hate all this shit

Miss my old life
Wish I could go and play football with the guys
Wish I could actually do things
Hate being here with nothing to distract me
Just want a day doing fun stuff and feeling good
Don't really want to keep going
Don't even want school holidays
But like mother told me last night...
You should be greatful for all you have got and snap out of this moody attitude. It's not attractive, not cool and it makes you seem so ungrateful. But keep on...

My dad saw my arm.
We talked about it. He said that we'll get through it, he's not mad or anything.
But right now i still feel the strong urge to cut. I don't really want to talk to someone about these issues right now. I don't even know how to explain what im thinking if i wanted to. There's so much going on in my head its overwhelming.
I dont know how to explain the fact that I want to die. He say's we'll get through this, but i dont feel like it is ever going to go away....