My dad saw my arm.
We talked about it. He said that we'll get through it, he's not mad or anything.
But right now i still feel the strong urge to cut. I don't really want to talk to someone about these issues right now. I don't even know how to explain what im thinking if i wanted to. There's so much going on in my head its overwhelming.
I dont know how to explain the fact that I want to die. He say's we'll get through this, but i dont feel like it is ever going to go away....

I knew today was going to be bad, don't get me wrong
I even prepared myself, mentally like
I had some stuff in my head, I thought I'd make it through ok, I thought I would be able to cope...
I was wrong!
It was worse than I thought
I was swallowing to hold back tears
I just wanted to leave and die
I do just want to leave and die
Can't face tomorrow
Hate Life

Feel lonely, tired and down
I know how to smile but I can't seem to do it
Dreading tomorrow
Can't stand being in a room with people who hate me all day
It's hell! It makes me want to die!
People say it'll get better
People say not to worry about them
How?
These people, I see them everyday, I share lessons everyday, I have to face them every fucking day!
I hate it I hate life
I don't see why I ended up with all these
Maybe I'm too...

Today was just horrible.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
I'll never be pretty enough.
Skinny enough.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.
Nolan hates me.


With everything going on I became overwhelmed. I stopped eating, gor 2 weeks now, with little food, just for people to see..I binge it mostly. I cut deeper into my thighs. Not enough blood, though. So, I cut my stomach. I was so close...

I AM ON THE VERGE OF SUCIDE HELP

She's upset
Bad day
Heads for the dresser drawer to
Drive her pain away
Nothing good can come of this.
She opens it there's nothing
There is only left over tears
Mom and dad had no right she screams
As the anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows she cries

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief...

I have the best friend in the whole freaking world, i love her more than anything. she makes my day brighter and can make me happy when nothing else can. whenever i need her i know where to look. i can see her there, she knows my dreams, my secrets, my fears and the reason for my tears. with her i know its ok to cry cause she will cry too, but what makes me sad is that when i move to hug her all i feel is glass. my best friend is the reflection in the mirror. i know she won't leave me but...

i might be leaving for a while. goodbye

Wanting to cry wanting to die
Had a shit shit day
Well, I felt shit all day
Had a 4 row desk to myself because everyone moved away from me...
Felt like bursting into tears right then and there
Wanted to skip, but you get suspended at my school
Got home... Binge ate... Worse than normal...
Apple, yoghurt, chocolate, biscuits, cereal... I reckon I've had all my calories from it but I couldn't stop...
Want to purge, know I can't
Want to die, know...