I think ive finally reached an end point
there is no further to go
no more life lessons to learn
no cutain call
no encore
no final wishes
no last breaths
just a black empty hole something im trying desparately to fill, anything, its like im clucthing at human contact
makes me know im alive
doesnt stop it hurting, doesnt make breathing easier
Doesnt make liveing with myeself easy
but hey
might not have to do it for long...

The closer I get to being 15, the more I feel like it is a huge step in my life. Why? I don't know. It just feels like fifteen will be a whole lot older. I know that it isn't, that I will be the same person. It's just a little weird. Everybody keeps asking me what I want. The problem is, I don't really want anything. Material objects are nice, but not really what my life is about. I just like being around people who love me.
That reminds me, I joined Dragon Caves (dragcave.net) and I want...

I am utterly going to fail my exams
thats my career out the window
my bf is breaking up with me
i feel so lost
should i feel this guilty over it?
should i cry more?
Hes institutionalised me by totally monopolysing me
il be empty of he goes
he left me with nothing ;(

Ten months ago, if my boyfriend cheated, I would be alright with it as long as it was purely sexual. If she happened to be hot, I'd even want in on the action. I'd even be mad if he had the opportunity to do it with a hottie but didn't take it.

I got pregnant. And we got married. Five months ago, he started to sxt some girls. And I was alright.. at first. Things continued and I stopped being alright with it. He only stopped when he read the messages I sent to my friend saying that I...

i feel ill. The voices in my head won't leave me alone. They tell me what a disgrace i am and to kill myself in what ever way possible. I don't know if i can make it through the night. I'm all alone again. The girl haunts me... she mocks me. i can't take this any more. i'm not getting better from my medication... i wish i was dead...

My birthday is in exactly a month! I'm gonna be 15!
Back to normal news...haha
Today during lunch, Matthew was staring at me. This was pointed out to me by my friends Donna and Courtney. Donna said "The new kid in our English and Bio classes is staring at you, wasn't he your best friend in fifth grade or something?" I confirmed this and looked to see if he was staring. As soon as I looked his direction, he quickly looked away and started a conversation with his friends....

I have a friend,and we have been friends for almost two years,but sometimes it's like I can't talk to her about some of my problems or questions. Like one time at this fair where I live she had a problem with me flirting,but it's fine for her to flirt with random guys? I get so upset sometimes, I just want to end our friendship. if anyone can help me, please do I am only 14 years old but, I will be 15 on suday.

Oy !

All the holiday craziness has gone by soooo quickly, did any of us even realised that its over ? I certainly didn't !
Oh well, back to structured life I guess.
I surely miss all the liberty and coolness of the holidays though...no more dancing until 4 a.m., no more sleeping in until noon - ahhh, will I ever even survive going back to school after experiencing such a laid-back lifestyle Oh sure I will ; we all have got to.
Anyway, I spent an awesome...

so, there have been a lot of things that i've never, ever talked to anyone about. there are so many people i know that think they know every thing about me, how wrong they are is what they don't know. truth is, i'm afaird. afraid to talk, afraid to tell anyone, just what all i've had in this life. most people i know would just turn their back and call me a liar, maybe start some rumors, but, i guess that's why i'm afraid, wouldn't you be? i grew up as the shy quiet fat girl, that read too much and...

I dont want mum to put my cat down! i dont want her to die! she's my best friend... :cry: i hate mum.. what more can she take away from me?!