I emailed Kate this afternoon to tell her I wanted to come back to work. I'm far too anxious being away. If I had food poisoning or a stomach bug or something, I think it'd be easier for me. At least then I wouldn't feel up to leaving the house or doing anything for a while. Because it's just pain and stiffness, I still FEEL capable of doing everything as normal, even if I can't realistically do that. Maybe it's just because of how badly staff were treated if they dared to be off sick in Matalan....

I bought more pills and razors. I haven't used them yet but having them makes me feel better. I know I have an out if I need it.

I finally managed to log on TH with my tablet so now I can watch stuff and answer posts. This is keeping me distracted.

Also I paid my rent and the outstanding customs fee on a delivery. Haven't cleaned the rats yet but I don't feel completely useless.

I feel like I'm in limbo right now.

I'm bored.

I saw my doctor less than an hour ago. I'm really glad I did because the pain is worse today. I can move my neck slightly to either side, but not far. If I try to push it, it feels like there's a physical block in the way, and it hurts a lot. Doctor said he could see how tense I was from trying to control my movements so it doesn't hurt as much. He's decided it's a muscle spasm and given me some Diazepam. I'm also waiting on an appointment from a physiotherapist.
...

I want someone to love me. I want a relationship. I want to be in love with someone who loves me back.

I want to be able to do things again. I don't want to be ill, I hate it. I want to be able to walk properly.

I want to be happy.

But since none of that is possible I guess I want to be dead.

Don't leave me alone.

TeenHelp Newsletter

TeenHelp Newsletter #71 - February 20th 2016 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, new resources, details of upcoming events, short bits of advice, interesting links and more!

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TeenHelp News

TeenHelp regularly makes changes to its site and services. Some of...

The last few days my mood has been up and down like a rollercoaster. I've spent three days barely moving from my bed because I felt so ill after the busy days with my family. I've self harmed twice in that time. The one time I did get up I went to buy pills. I haven't taken any but I needed them as a security net. Just in case I get desperate. That sounds awful but that's where my mood is right now. I was binge watching Supernatural and feeling really awful and thinking about suicide, so I got drunk...

Source: Notice | Facilitated Chat Room Discussions.


There are two scheduled discussions on the topic of developing good sleeping habits in the Chat Room for users to seek advice and share thoughts and ideas! The first discussion will be held at 8pm UK time (GMT/UTC) ...

I've marked two weeks on the Staff Calendar. The pain in my neck and back is spreading to my legs and feet when I spend too long sitting or lying down. Moving about seems to help. I spent today helping mum move her office, she kept telling me to watch my neck and don't lift anything too heavy or push myself too hard. It wasn't too bad, I took some paracetamol so I think that definitely helped to keep it at bay when I was carrying boxes and setting stuff up.
Got into the car to come home and...

I went on a steam train, and had chips for lunch, and Indian for tea, and hung out with my sister and took selfies with her and it was fun. And we went to the slate museum, and we watched Frozen Planet.

I'm really tired. I have a nine am lecture and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it. But I'm really glad I saw my sister because I hadn't seen her since christmas. She drew me a picture to put on my wall.