TeenHelp - Blog Entries

Psych hospital (TW: Suicide)

Posted April 28th 2022 at 12:12 AM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I was in the hospital starting on the 12th after a suicide attempt. I had felt hopeless and impulsive and wanted it to stop. I never thought I would actually go through with an attempt but I guess life's full of surprises. I ended up Ubering to the hospital and luckily I got there before getting pretty sick. I was already starting to feel it before getting in the Uber so I got lucky. In the ER I was taken right back and they talked to me but I don't remember the conversation.
I had to wait...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Flippin' insurance.

Posted February 22nd 2022 at 08:08 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

After April 30, I will likely be losing Medicaid due to an increase in oncome and will have to find some other insurance through our marketplace.

Looking at them, it seems like all of them are way out of my price range and wouldn't be something worth getting anyway! Some of the deductibles are in the absolute THOUSANDS, and most of them don't cover all of my providers so I'd have to either pay out of pocket or stop seeing them entirely.

You'd think an increase in income...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1079 Comments 1 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

Working full time worries

Posted February 12th 2022 at 07:10 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I am going full time on March 7th. That's when I go to HR to fill out the paperwork.

I am worried about working 7-8 hours a day, but I think I'll be able to do it. However, contact tracing is slowing down right now so I am not sure how I will GET 7-8 hours a day. I will be taking their insurance, so I need to make sure I get all of the hours I can so I can actually PAY for that insurance. If I get fewer hours than what I was guaranteed, all my paycheck will go to insurance and I will...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Not allowed to go back to my own group.

Posted February 3rd 2022 at 06:17 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

Today was my last day of IOP, and that went well. At the end we get a certificate of completion and also a coin, and I liked that. I was pretty proud of myself.

I was scheduled to start an individual group on Wednesday but now I was told that the location I go is no longer allowing people who see outside therapists/get their meds outside from the facility to go to their outpatient groups. They've never had that rule before. My clinician just found out yesterday.

I couldn't...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Views 1134 Comments 2 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

IOP 3 days a week, work

Posted January 21st 2022 at 09:44 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I am moving down to doing IOP 3 days per week next week, which also means I'll be done with the program and back to just outpatient very soon. I'd be doing a group therapy session once per week and seeing my regular therapist again. I'm scared that I'm not actually ready to leave group and the comfort it brings. But, I think I've made progress too.

It also means I'm that much closer to going full time in March. I'm scared. I want to prove to myself that I can do it but what if I can't?...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Told my mom about my bipolar. (SH)

Posted January 14th 2022 at 01:03 AM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated January 14th 2022 at 01:29 AM by ~Misguided Ghosts~

I told my mom I go to therapy daily and have bipolar. She was cool with the therapy part I think but when it came to the bipolar she said I’m a hypochondriac and it’s bullshit.

She also then texted me and said she read that bipolar is caused by your period. What?? I didn’t have the energy to correct her.

I numbed myself immediately but still ended up cutting. I hope that isn’t enough to give me a grippy sock vacation. I don’t cut often.

I still feel...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Views 1301 Comments 1 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

Failed my driving test again. TW SH

Posted December 22nd 2021 at 11:30 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I took my driving test today and failed right off the bat. It's not that I don't know how to drive. I did fine when it was me and the instructor. But as soon as the person administering the test comes, I freeze up and panic hardcore so I make a lot of stupid mistakes I wouldn't have otherwise.

I had a major panic attack in the parking lot of the DMV and the poor driving school instructor who I went with had to deal with me hyperventilating and sniffling.
...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Views 1321 Comments 3 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

Hallucination, self harm, IOP (TW-self harm)

Posted December 15th 2021 at 10:01 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

I hallucinated a tarantula yesterday. I saw it crawling on my ceiling and then down my wall. I also hear my phone ringing all the time when it's not, to the point I stop and listen for it.

Work has been a very big source of my anxiety lately. I've been having to take Ativan to go to work and it's not actually doing a lot to help with the anxiety. I'm making stupid mistakes and it's just not a good time for me.

I have self-harmed again as well. I want to do it again...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

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Views 1068 Comments 0 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

Progress report. (TW-Self harm)

Posted December 13th 2021 at 07:58 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)
Updated December 13th 2021 at 09:52 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~

I wonder what would have happened if I did go to the hospital the other day. I think I should have.

I wonder if I still should, although I'm doing better than I was. Like, what "qualifies" someone for the hospital? I'm not going to go, though.

I still have to take Ativan before work and get the urge to self harm. I'm still feeling impulsive and want to buy new tools. My friend changed my Amazon password for me so I can't go on it and buy tools.
The...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1132 Comments 1 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

Suicidal (Triggering: Suicide, self harm)

Posted December 9th 2021 at 09:11 PM by ~Misguided Ghosts~ (Rantings of a Mermaid Princess)

Never before have I scared a therapist so much that she doesn't want me to have access to my own medication. She wants me to get a safe and give my mom the key, but I am not going to do that. Never before have I ever had a therapist call me sounding panicked because with the email I sent she was worried and wanted to talk to me to make sure I didn't have any intent to harm myself. Never before have I needed daily check ins. I guess there's a fist time for everything.

I don't have...

~Misguided Ghosts~

But I'm just a ghost.

Posted in Uncategorized

Views 1308 Comments 3 ~Misguided Ghosts~ is offline

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