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You know what, thanks mom, thanks for the help i asked for, the support i needed. I need you here to look after me, to show me which way to go.. You think i'm going to fail school because i didn't get an A* in an exam i did, fail at life? No i don't think so..you watch me become a doctor, because i am going to prove you wrong, you are so wrong about me. So what if i get a few A's and A* instead of all A*s, i will still do this, do better than you did at school because i've learnt from your mistakes...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 403
Comments 2
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I can't do this...I'm too young at the moment to decide, I wanted so much more from life, but i've gone and ruined it... everything is over. He said i'm just in a bad place at the moment, and when i'm thinking clearly, i will know he is right. But i don't know to be honest.
He wants things to turn out differently to me, he wants this to happen, he wants me to stay with him forever. I'm so confused with what i want...i'm fifteen, he can't expect me to know want i want to do about things......
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 465
Comments 2
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Last night i just lay there, my head was spinning; screaming at myself inside my head. 'Come on Charlotte, you don't need to do this, ODing and cutting is not the only opition...your being stupid...fight it...fight it...you can do it' I tried so hard, i really did, but then there is always the other side of me, telling me to do it, things are too bad at the moment, i can't handle it anymore, no one would care....stop being pathetic...
Like I was arguing with my emotions, i can't fight the...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 453
Comments 4
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I don't know how much more i can take, i spoke to my coach who now thinks i'm crazy. She said i can't compete until i sort myself out, that is the problem, i can't! My training was something to focus on, a break from reality, but she has taken that away.
My drinking..cutting... Overdosing, it has taken control of me, i feel as though it is the only thing left. It feels like there is nothing left to fight for, and hopefully therefore nothing left to lose.
I just sit...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 434
Comments 7
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I have got to the point where i am so confused with my feelings i can't take it anymore. I don't know whether the holding on or the attempt to let go of people is hurting more... I don't want to hurt anyone.
I walked into my room this morning and looked at the vodka bottles and the knife on the floor and it hit me; what am i doing to myself, my holding on is making it worse, i need to do something about this...
Yet it is too hard, it seems like the easiest way out is to not be...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 438
Comments 4
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I'm sorry for being here.. i'm sorry for being in the way.. for messing up your lives ... i will go, because you won't miss me. You won't care, in fact you would hardly notice... it show how much of a good family we are eh!?
I am soo sorry for hurting you friends .. i never meant to... i should go before it causes more pain... me and my messed up head, as they call it... because according to them i am useless and have no reason for this.
I guess that's it then.. it can't be them,...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 407
Comments 4
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You know those days... the ones that make you want to end it all there and then...the ones where everything that happens feels ten times worse than it actually is. The ones where you want someone just to hug you and tell you it will be okay... someone to just talk to you and listen... your family to care about you and actually want you here....... ,i don't ask them for much just for them to love me......
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 381
Comments 4
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I hate hurting like this, i hate being like this.... i hate the hospital trips, the lying to family and doctors....i hate myself for it all.
Cutting...ODing....suicide.... that is all the runs through my mind lately...when i can do it....how much i'm hurting at the moment. My head is spinning with the horrible thoughts... last night failed.... but still i want to end it all.
But i'm scared of hurting people...
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 416
Comments 3
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Does it always hurt this much to talk to people, to tell people how you are feeling... i keep telling myself it will get easier, but i think it would just be much better to keep hiding and pretend everything is fine.
My mom is constantly asking questions and when i am honest with her she explodes and tells me i'm lying or that i have no reason for this.....i can't take it anymore... i have it planned.....
........ Odsing and cutting are the only options now.....
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 424
Comments 2
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We occasionally have those good things happen..i passed my lifeguarding course which i am soo happy about!
But then bad things happen again, the depression kicks back in, the urges come back... sometimes it makes me wonder if the good things happen just so it hurts more when you come crashing back down to earth. It makes you realise that nothing good or bad lasts forever, but the bad things just keep coming back....
I can't do this anymore..... cut cut cut, pills pills pills..................
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The magic word... expelliarmus
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Views 391
Comments 0
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