I've either made the worst mistake of my life, or done the best thing ever, but I'd put my money on the first one.

I'm meeting up with my online 'boyfriend' (the inverted commas because I don't class an online relationship as proper).

I promised my mum I wouldn't meet him but I can't stop myself. She always finds out when I lie. She will find out and she will hate me and ban me from talking to him. She'll ban the internet, football and anything but school work and homelife....

So today wasn't as bad as I predicted..
Until I got home.
Cut like I used to cut... And it felt goooood...
Mother can go die...
I don't want to eat chips, I don't want to get fatter!
I've decided I don't want to stop cutting!
It makes me happy! So why the hell should I take that away from myself?

Don't want to go to school.
Don't make me go.
Already cut over it.
Need to cut again.
Need to cut so so bad.
So humiliating.
Everyone there hates me.
Everyone laughs at me.
I'M NOT A FREAK!
Well... I am.. I'm the biggest freak there is.
I just want to fit in.
I just want people to like me.
I hate me though, so why wouldn't others?
Might as well die... Only 1 thing to live for, that's not enough...

Always seem to have stomach ache atm...
Pain is good...
Walking when feeling paralysed...
I think there is something wrong with me...

I shouldn't feel this down.
It's wrong, selfish, unneccessary.

i hate me.