Meant to be revising..
Cba
So tired and miserable..
Been tiding my room today with ma
Of course I had to hide some stuff in other places
But there's no room for most of it and it's just a huge pile half in my room half on the landing
Need to learn so much maths and english for when I go back
Will tomorrow though...
Hopefully I'll feel better soon
Hopefully I won't be so sad
Hopefully I'll be less of a pathetic idiot
I might as well...

*sighs* can't believe it
can't talk about it
made me cry though
then again i'd cried 4 times previously
think by the end i was on about 6 times of crying
cried another 2 since
that means ive cried 8 times already
so weak
and fucking mad

Sad and Lonely
Everything's going wrong
Don't feel like doing anything
Don't know what to do
The only thing I know is SH...
Feel so fat
Look so fat
Hate being fat
Wish I was pretty
Suppose I am being selfish
I am selfish
I'm just horrible...
And I don't know how to change Don't want to change
Ugh... I hate all this shit

Miss my old life
Wish I could go and play football with the guys
Wish I could actually do things
Hate being here with nothing to distract me
Just want a day doing fun stuff and feeling good
Don't really want to keep going
Don't even want school holidays
But like mother told me last night...
You should be greatful for all you have got and snap out of this moody attitude. It's not attractive, not cool and it makes you seem so ungrateful. But keep on...

I knew today was going to be bad, don't get me wrong
I even prepared myself, mentally like
I had some stuff in my head, I thought I'd make it through ok, I thought I would be able to cope...
I was wrong!
It was worse than I thought
I was swallowing to hold back tears
I just wanted to leave and die
I do just want to leave and die
Can't face tomorrow
Hate Life

Feel lonely, tired and down
I know how to smile but I can't seem to do it
Dreading tomorrow
Can't stand being in a room with people who hate me all day
It's hell! It makes me want to die!
People say it'll get better
People say not to worry about them
How?
These people, I see them everyday, I share lessons everyday, I have to face them every fucking day!
I hate it I hate life
I don't see why I ended up with all these
Maybe I'm too...

Wanting to cry wanting to die
Had a shit shit day
Well, I felt shit all day
Had a 4 row desk to myself because everyone moved away from me...
Felt like bursting into tears right then and there
Wanted to skip, but you get suspended at my school
Got home... Binge ate... Worse than normal...
Apple, yoghurt, chocolate, biscuits, cereal... I reckon I've had all my calories from it but I couldn't stop...
Want to purge, know I can't
Want to die, know...

Posh just won
Scrappy game
Relived though
Still not happy
Good stuff happens and I still want to kill myself

Don't know what to say...
Another exam to fail tomorrow...
English
Already done half, didn't write much...
None that I can keep...
Don't know what to write...
Did shit in French...
Mother rang school... Embarassing!
And now my teacher's going to talk to me... Awkward!
All she'll do is tell me not to worry, you can still pass,
When I blates won't get an A so who cares...
I'll just go silent and let her talk... I still want to kill...