I want to be great at gaming, not just the best in my group, the best in the school and get my names on leaderboards, I want to be naturally talented at stuff like everyone else seems...

Not up to anything today, just wanted to stay in bed and not face the world.
Didn't happen, as soon as it reached 10.30 I was forced out of bed...
And now I have to go out shopping with her and I really don't want to...
Really not up to moving or talking or trying stuff I don't want on...
Not sure how to get through today, already cut and punched myself...
And the window cleaner was perving on me in the shower (he was doing the window) but I was tryring to use the...

I Think...

I know what I need, someone who cares, someone to look after me, not mum or nan or even my current friends, someone new, maybe someone to date, but more someone to be close to, someone easy to talk to, where I can rest my head upon their shoulder, hug them and cry around them.
I guess it's a good thing that i know what I need to start to be happier... It won't bring the happiness but I would sure as help to rid the badness... But I'll never ever get someone like that...

I really want to be in a gay relationship...

Like I see these straight couples on the TV and I'm like... Yeah I don't want that...

Then I see a lesbian couple and I'm like... yeah that's sweet but not for me...

Then I see gay couples and all I can think is how much I want that...

I'm a girl... But all I want is to be in a gay relationship, guy on guy...
I can't remember not wanting this...

I don't think this is normal......

Well toddayy has been AWESOME!

I taught my mama to play chess... I can hardly play myself so it was weird...

We played 2 games! And I checkmated her both times That's the 1st time in my life thet I've ever checkmated anyone thus I'm rather extatic!

I swear my life is like a game of chess though, a game that I'm losing and about to go into checkmate. I'm constantly down and in check, then for random moments I get really really hyper, sometimes for a short...

She always gets in the way. Always.
I want to do something which is just mine. But No.
I want to start my own buisness. She Has To Take Over.
I want to make my own buisness. She Has To Have A Piece Of It.
I ask for her help, only her help, but she now wants to be in the buisness, start it up and have it all for herself. I'm not letting her. She can have her own buisness but not mine, I'm staying away from anything like hers, I'm not living my life with her, I'm getting...

I can never write what I want to say... I want to let it out, I want to say what's on my mind, but I can't say it. Now how I want to. I always come out with something stupid, something that isn't what I mean, something that's not quite right. It makes all the difference, it means nothing gets out and everything is still trapped inside of me.


What I want to talk about:

• My urges to self harm, how I've started burning myself and I'm scared because I don't know how to deal with

...