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Just thoughts. (triggering)

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Posted March 6th 2013 at 12:56 PM by Wheek!

Warning ahead of time: I do not mean to insult smokers here.

I find the fact my mom's trying to take away cutting but yet I'm still secretly doing it funny, in a way.

Both of us are liars. Both my mom and I are liars.

I think her lies are worse.

She smokes. After my dad got cancer in 4th grade she said she would be completely honest with me and that they'd quit. I don't know if my dad fully quit or not and honestly I'm not angry with him because I haven't seen evidence that he still smokes. My mom, on the other hand. I've seen cigarettes in her hand. I've seen packs of them in her purse. I've sat in the living room before at like seven in the morning and watched her come in from the porch with a lighter, saying that the air helped her nose unclog. She needs a lighter for that? Similar situations have happened before. She always smells of cigarettes when she comes back in.

Her cigarettes cause various cancers and other diseases. She always sounds like she's coughing up a lung. Part of it is from her blood pressure meds, but the cough's set off with the slightest scent, too. And I bet part of it's just from smoking. It makes my blood boil every time I hear her.

Her smoking's a hell of a lot more dangerous than my cutting. I'm not going to die from shallow cuts that bleed a little bit then start to heal up.What's so bad with a little scar, versus cancer?

What she's doing is worse.
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  1. Old Comment
    Thereishope's Avatar
    I definitely agree that cancer is worse although at the same time cutting really isn't "good" either. Hopefully soon she'll get woken up and realize she needs to stop.
    Posted March 6th 2013 at 01:29 PM by Thereishope Thereishope is offline
  2. Old Comment
    i_like_black's Avatar
    Personally I smoke and cut but I think you make valid points.

    Also, if it were me, I would be more upset about your mother lying about it than the action itself. And if she wanted to stop . . . well I don't know about where you live, but in NZ nicotine replacement is heavily subsidised by the government in order to make patches and gum cheaper than cigarettes. At the same time, every year the tax on tobacco increases.

    Cigarettes cause all kind of damage and I think everybody who smokes and who is around people who are affected by their second hand smoke should be aware of that. Maybe bring it up with your mother. Perhaps you two could work on beating your addictions together
    Posted March 6th 2013 at 06:32 PM by i_like_black i_like_black is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Wingless.'s Avatar
    I can relate to this a lot. Unfortunately I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you can always come to me if you wanna talk. <3
    Posted March 6th 2013 at 10:46 PM by Wingless. Wingless. is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Palmolive's Avatar
    My mums smoked since I was about ten now. I started self harming when I was eleven and I remember thinking the same as you, when I was about maybe 13/14 because she promised to stop smoking, when she got out of hospital and she was trying to take away self harm away from me. Ironically, my arguments with her about it blew me in the face when I was hospitalised because professionals thought I was at risk of accidental death, from self harm because of how severe my self harm became and I hadn't even noticed (this was when I was 17). My point is, you don't the future. Yes, if your mum smokes, she may or may not get cancer. And yes, your cuts may be shallow now, but that doesn't mean they will be for ever and maybe he trying to stop you from self harming, is her way of trying to make sure it your self harm never gets that bad.

    And for what its worth for my mum, I'm sorry to her that I didn't listen. If I knew how my self harm was going to change, I would have allowed her to stop me. I think your mum cares about you, like you care about her.

    If you want to talk, I'm always here. <3
    Posted March 7th 2013 at 12:37 PM by Palmolive Palmolive is offline
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