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Culture clash (triggering?)

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Posted May 25th 2014 at 10:49 PM by Wheek!

I am seventeen years old. I will be eighteen on June 3rd so in about nine days. At eighteen years old, I will have as much freedom as I did at like, twelve.

My dad is 63 and will be 64 at the end of August, and my mom is 61 and will be 62 at the end of June. That means they were born in 1950 and 1952, and had me in their mid forties pretty much.

You can see where the problem comes in. Unlike children who were born when their parents were young, there is a HUGEHUGEHUGE gap in our cultures, and since the gap is SO huge, they won't even try to understand the styles, actions, feelings, wants, etc I have.

And no, talking to them isn't an option. They just scream and threaten to slap my mouth since I argue back, blah blah.

The latest argument was about tattoos and how my mother says multiple tattoos on a woman look horrible and all of that fun shit. Of course I want tattoos. So I said they can't control me forever and the look they gave me. Then my mom threatened to slap my mouth. Whenever I do get to move out, gonna get tons of tattoos, juust for them.

Not allowed any piercings except the two on the ear. I have one and a half right now since one got infected.

Not allowed to dye/highlight my hair anything but natural colors (blondes, reds, other shades of brown).

Not allowed to cut my hair shorter than what it is in most of my albums pictures. If you want a link, just ask.

Even at seventeen, my parents still have to see that I'm with someone before they will let me out of the car when I'm being dropped off places. I couldn't go to the beach with my two friends because it's too far away. When I ask to go to a friend's house, first question: "Will their parents be home?" Can't go to a guy's house.

I have a bedtime...

When I tried coming out my mom shoved me back in the closet because I hadn't dated anyone yet. Well fuck you, did you not know you liked men until you dated one? So I can't be myself in that sense.

I have to keep everything about my mental health in another closet. When I try to tell my mom anything she's like "You must be attention seeking." "If something was truly wrong with you, therapy should have made it better by now." "You have no reason to feel like this." That takes pressure.

You may be saying for a lot of this, "You're almost eighteen. What's the big deal?"

While I'm living in their house I still have to follow their rules. I'll even have a curfew for when I can come home at night and will have to call if I'll be late. I don't know what they'll DO if I don't follow their rules but I don't particularly want to be kicked out either.

Also, I have no money to get out of the house. Or a job. Or a place to go. Sure I'll be living in a college dorm during the school year but since during any summers, vacations, most weekends (though that can change), when I graduate college, I'll be living at home, I don't have the freedom to go off and get tattoos or piercings or really get help for my mental health because that goes back to having no money. They'll give me SOME money a week, but not enough.

Thinking of dyeing my hair when I get to college, some random color, then just being like "Oops, can't go home for a while now."

I realized that with how much of my true personality I have to keep hidden and how I've been denied so many opportunities to do and say what I want, I'm not going to be happy for as long as I am living in my house. Which will be another four years, MINIMUM, but it's probably going to be a lot longer.

I seriously just want to cut myself a lot in college just because they won't be able to stop me in the dorms.

Half the time I wish to kill myself though because of how much longer I'll have to endure not being myself.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    You will get to be yourself. You will find a way to express who you are. I know right now that seems impossible but nothing is truly impossible. Keep hanging in there and if you need anything please feel free to message me.
    permalink
    Posted May 25th 2014 at 11:04 PM by
  2. Old Comment
    Thereishope's Avatar
    I'm sorry you're going through all this with your parents. I can sort of relate to your experiences when I lived at home. Even though my parents are closer to my age than yours are with you, we still had issues seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, especially from my teen years, onward. I did still do pretty much what I wanted, whenever I could, and ya sure at times they found out and weren't too happy but I always knew eventually I'd be moving out on my own and I could do what I want. For me I eventually had to just sever ties with my parents, since even after I moved out I still felt like I was under their rules, and i was in my 20's! You're definitely in a tough spot and I know it's hard but if you don't know where you could live (safely) when not able to live at the dorm, all I can say is to just stick it out, I know it's not something you want to do (heck I didn't and don't want to go back in time to repeat those years the same either) but just keep your eyes on the bigger future picture. There will come a time where you will be moved out, living completely on your own somewhere and you then can control the contact with your parents. You can and will get through this Dezi and as always I'm here anytime you need/want to talk about anything, stay strong. If you ever feel like you're breaking, pickup your phone or the keyboard, or a cute Emma Watson doll! Seriously though, text/type to me anytime, even if i'm not currently available you know I always reply asap! Go, majorly epic blog comment done!
    permalink
    Posted May 25th 2014 at 11:12 PM by Thereishope Thereishope is offline
  3. Old Comment
    My dad is the same way...he's 60 (or 61 I forget ) and my youngest sister is 16. I'm 20 years old and things are hard sometimes for the same reasons you mentioned. As for the mental health. There SHOULD be a mental health office/services in your college and that you can go to without notifying parents. Since you'll be living on campus, you can go without telling them. If they find out, they'd have to learn that you had to do things for yourself and may be more tolerant once you go out and actually do it
    ( you can remind them "see? no need to worry after all. I did it and I'm dealing with it responsibly...)
    permalink
    Posted June 3rd 2014 at 09:06 PM by Not_here Not_here is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Why not move out my parents are kinda like that not that bad but still bogus
    permalink
    Posted August 2nd 2014 at 05:35 AM by chanceivey97 chanceivey97 is offline
  5. Old Comment
    I mean once ur 18 of course
    permalink
    Posted August 2nd 2014 at 05:37 AM by chanceivey97 chanceivey97 is offline
 
 
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