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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Question My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 9th 2013, 04:26 PM

My friend has been going through a really rough time recently and it's the anniversary of her dads death in a few days and she had started cutting again I want her stop I really do. Does anyone have any advice to help her through this?
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Re: My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 9th 2013, 09:49 PM

Don't tell her to stop, exactly. As I SHer myself, I hate it when people tell me to stop. Just talk to her and stay by her side. Try to be as good of a friend as you possibly can. When she doesn't want to talk or feels uncomfortable, stop. If something seems wrong, ask. Just be kind and patient. Help her through it.

(Edit: Just saw your username! I'm a Whovian too! <3<3)
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Re: My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 9th 2013, 10:41 PM

Hi Nicola,

You are an awesome friend for wanting to support her and reaching out for help so you can do this.
As Ani said, don't tell her to stop because chances are she will not want to or she will not be able to. SH is addicting and so in the process of her quitting, she probably will make mistakes and keep hurting herself.
If she does not currently talk to anyone, maybe you can encourage her to speak to a school guidance counselor about the anniversary of her dad's death. I know from experience that getting through the anniversaries of those we love that have passsed away is really difficult and she can get help with how she feels emotionally around this time and any other issues she may be going through.
Keep encouraging her and letting her know that she is not alone and that you are here for her and let her know she does not deserve what she does to herself.
Also, if you would like, you can give her TeenHelp's list of
self-harm alternatives They are very useful and they may not all help her but they are a great place for her to start finding distractions. My personal favorites are the fifteen minute rule and homework (I get a lot done with those.) Not sure homework is on the list though.
Hopefully this helps and you can PM me if you ever need anything.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Re: My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 11th 2013, 06:34 AM

Hey, Nicola.

I'm sorry about what your friend's going through and about her dad, that's really awful. I think you're a really amazing friend for wanting to help her though, she's lucky to have you in her life. I think the best thing you can do right now is stand by her, offer to talk with her, tell her that she can talk to you about her feelings and even write it on a note if she can't talk verbally. Just generally be there for her because she has to decide to stop self-harming on her own, you can't make her. All you can do is be there for her. I know it's really hard to watch your friend go through this but just being there for her will help her a lot. She'd be in a much worse place without you there.

Although it might be a good idea to encourage her to do other things besides self-harm and give her more coping mechanisms? Like tell her she can call you if she feels like self-harming, or let her come over and spend time with you. Or make her a bracelet and tell her that it's so when she feels bad she can see the bracelet to remind her that people care and she's worth more than self-harm. I think it'd be a good idea to show her that list of self-harm alternatives that Kakorrhaphiophobia posted above. Maybe you could recommend her to TeenHelp? Or suggest she talks to someone about it? Like maybe the school counselor?

I hope your friend feels better. I think you're awesome for wanting to help her. Remind her to stay strong and you stay strong as well, okay? You guys can do this! But hey, remember to take care of yourself as well while helping and supporting your friend.

Take care <3
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Re: My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 18th 2013, 09:18 AM

you shouldn't tell her to stop but you should offer support and let her talk to you about it , i self harm and find talking best, that might make her stop it depends how long its been going on. hope it gets betterxxx
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Re: My friend has started cutting again PLEASE HELP - April 18th 2013, 06:16 PM

Hey there,

I think that one thing you can do is let your friend know that you care about her a lot and will be there to support her through things when she needs to talk. It can mean a lot to a person to know that someone cares about them and has someone to talk to when they need it. You can also urge her to speak with adult she trusts such as a guidance counselor or a teacher for even more support, or even come to us here at TeenHelp if you'd be comfortable with that, but what you shouldn't do is force her to stop right away.

I think you should also give her the link to the alternatives to self harm list that was given to you in a previous post because these are healthier, safer ways to cope with what she is going through rather than self harming.

You are a very great friend for wanting to support her through all of this, so you should be proud of yourself! Remember that if things ever get too stressful for you, you can take a step back and take a break to refocus so you don't get burnt out.

I wish you both the very best!


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