Cutting on and off but always thinking about it.

[MessedUpMind]

I have cut before.
I started in middle school but then just stopped.
I started again in high school (i'm just finished grade 9)
I seem to just start and then go long periods without cutting the i start again.
But since that first cut in middle school i have kept having thoughts like,
"i wouldn't feel this bad if i cut."
"Could i deal with this if i cut."
"I wonder how it would feel to cut right now."
I'm not trying to quit because i don't want to, but i just seem to stop and start.
What the hell is this.
Warning i will only be here for half an hour, i can only get on this site at the public library and they have a time limit.

[Philomath]

Hi,
I know what you are going through, so you are not alone.

This happens with me too, I can go a while without cutting, but I end up thinking about it all of the time and at some point, I give in to the want to cut.
I know what helps me with getting away from the thought of cutting is always trying to keep myself busy with either schoolwork, activities or distractions.
If you haven't yet, you should check out the list of self harm alternatives.
There are a lot of choices on there and they can help when you want to cut with getting your mind off of the urge.
I really hope this helps and if you ever need anything, you can PM me and I will be very glad to help as best as I can.

[Ennui.]

Hey,

Like what was said before, I have gone through long periods of not cutting and then it comes at me suddenly. You should look at that Alternatives list and try to come up with a hobby or something that can distract to, or find someone to talk to. You don't need to tell them that you want to cut, but they can definitely do a great job at distracting you or making you feel a bit happier. I also found that writing down what is triggering you at a certain time down in a journal, diary, or other location helps. That way, when you are feeling better, you can look back at what is triggering you and figure out how to solve the problem from there, or even have someone else look at what you wrote and discuss it with you. Not only is this a good way to keep track of what you are feeling, but it allows you to get everything out at once.

Take care,
Dez