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Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 02:51 AM

Hey guys,
I know posting this will get me hated but i just can't think of a place to get out off my chest. I am 15 and been dating a girl i really like since May. But when i get upset at her or if i am just in a bad mood i take it out on her. I have hit her a few times, or put her down. I love her, i really do. I am not saying this is right but it is what is it is. I tell myself i am never going to hit her again but then i do. I even promise to her and i really mean it. But she just pushes my buttons and i lose it. Her friends all tell her to leave me, and i guess she needs to. We have broke up a few times but always end back up with each other. I never felt i had anger issues but i guess i do. But i never taken it out on someone until now.

Any guys like me out there? Hate feeling alone about this and feel having someone to talk to that been there (either as the girl or the guy) would help me a lot.

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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 07:56 AM

Try finding an old stuffed animal to take it out on, or maybe try purchasing a punching bag. Trust me, it helps me not take my anger out on the ones around me. Or simply talk to her about it if she is angering you, and try to work it out. Communication is key!
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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 08:12 AM

Hello there and welcome

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with anger and being abusive to your girlfriend. I'm glad that you realize that you do it and that you know it's not okay. I would suggest that the two of you not be together right now, and that you consider talking to a professional. You said "she pushes my buttons", but your anger doesn't come from her, you can learn to control your reaction to the things she does and find other outlets for your anger. Even if you don't want to get help now, this behavior could repeat in other relationships and I can tell that you don't want that. I think the sooner you get help and the younger you are, the better.

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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 08:17 AM

Hitting someone, especially your girl is not cool bro. You've clearly got anger issues and need to speak to someone about it. If you truly love like you say you do, then you'd do something to stop the way you react. Speak to you parents or doctor to see if there is anything they can do for your anger management. If you carry on the way you are going, she could end up leaving you, seriously hurt or you could end up in prison.

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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 02:56 PM

You've received some good advice, but I have a few things to add.

Someone said that it is good you realized you're doing this and you want to change your behavior, and it definitely is. Many people in abusive relationships don't realize what they're doing, or they do and downplay it so they continue doing unhealthy things. The fact that you realize what you are doing is a positive sign, and I believe you will be able to prevent this from occurring in future relationships.

Being together right now is up to you, but regardless, it might help to stop and think about what to do before you do it when you're angry while around your girlfriend or anyone else. See if you can acknowledge what you are about to do, and do something positive or walk away to cool off instead. Some people will stop, take a few deep breaths, and picture their anger leaving their bodies as they exhale.

Are you able to speak to a trusted adult or a professional about your anger? If not, I can help you with some different techniques to cope with anger if you'd like. Maybe you can explore possible causes for your anger as well, if you don't already know what they are.

As for your question, I am not abusive to anyone and never have been, but I do struggle with anger and I am still learning how to cope with it.

Feel free to let me know if you need anything.

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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 11th 2016, 08:38 PM


Like said already, I think it is brilliant that you have A) recognised the way you are being abusive towards your girlfriend and B) that you have reached out for help with this. So be proud of yourself for that!

I am going to say the way you are treating your girlfriend is in fact wrong, but like said, you know that and that's a good place to start. I do think that every person who harms somebody else, has something bothering them or something that has had a negative impact on them in the past such as being abused themselves. Can you think of anything that has caused this anger and to behave this way towards your girlfriend? I think this is the next step to stopping the way you behave towards her.

I do think you reaching out for help is good and we're definitely here to support you based on personal experience, knowledge and for some of us, experiences of our work lives or volunteer based work. We will always try our best to support and help you as much as we possibly can do so. However we are not professionals and a big part of me really thinks that maybe if you reached out to a professional and worked on your anger issues with them, that it could really help you personally which would then turn your relationship with your girlfriend to be more positive instead of negative. SO thats something I would like you to think about; reaching out to someone for some help, even if that is a scary thought.

Lastly, yes, I have been abusive towards people. I have certainly been very angry and impulsive in the past (starting to move past it) but this has led me to trashing my room, hurting myself severely, hurting family members and when I have been hospitalised I was so angry and therefore determined to hurt myself that when I was being restrained (from by 4-10 staff members) I would do anything, including hurt them, just to hurt myself because I lost it in my mind that I didn't care at the time what I did because I was that angry. And do you know what? I think being abused as a child through into my teen years made me that angry. I would never hurt anyone intentionally.

I hope this helps and I hope you manage to seek out for help and support that you need and deserve and that things begin to look up for you and get better.

Hope and wishes,

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Re: Abusive to my Girlfriend - September 14th 2016, 02:17 AM

wow i am amazed by all the great advice and support, thank you all so much and it means a lot!
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