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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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TwistofFate_07 Offline
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Am I traumatized? - October 13th 2020, 09:45 AM

When I was 17, I was physically assaulted by my uncle. He grabbed me by my neck and got on top of me. He even made a fist and pumped faked as if he was gonna punch me in my face. He did this to me because I got involved when he started getting mad at his girlfriend. He had her backed in the corner while he was yelling at her as she stood there scared. He was very abusive towards her. I had came down the stairs with my phone in my hand and my dial pad visible as if I was gonna call the police. As I was getting up to go back upstairs to my room is when he got on top of me and grabbed my neck and had me thinking he was gonna punch me in my face. He stared into my eyes the whole time.

As the years went by, I started having flashbacks of that day. Sometimes I feel very angry and upset. I sometimes believe that what happened to me was okay and that I was just being disciplined. I then tell myself that thatís not true but I also tell myself that itís okay and that I need to stop feeling the way that I feel. I sometimes believe that itís okay for a man to put his hands on a woman, even when I know that itís not. I even asked my current boyfriend if he was abusive because of this. I even think that one day he might hit me because of what I went thru. I still have a lot of anger towards my grandma because she didnít protect me. No one did and it pisses me off. I donít know if what Iím feeling is normal or if Iím just going crazy.
   
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Re: Am I traumatized? - October 13th 2020, 09:15 PM

I want to say, first of all, that I am very sorry you went through this. It is never right to lay hands on someone (non-consensually), and I am sorry you had such a terrifying experience. Yes, it sounds like you may have been traumatized by what happened. Having flashbacks is a common sign of traumatization. So is trying to sort your (understandably) mixed emotions and trying to justify them. Having to live with that day in and day out can be very difficult and I am sorry you're having to deal with that.

What happened was wrong, and you did not deserve that. You were not being disciplined; you were assaulted. I know those words are hard to hear (or read, rather), but it's important to call what happened for what it is. I want to stress, again, you did NOT deserve this, and you are not a bad person for having experienced it. Your feelings you have about it, whatever they may be, are valid. You may be hurt, or angry, or sad, or afraid, and that makes sense. I hope you can find a safe way to process them, whether it's by talking to someone or using outlets like sports and exercise or crafting, etc.

If you haven't already I would seriously recommend trying to see a therapist, especially one who specializes in PTSD or trauma. They're familiar with this type situation and can best guide you through it and help you process the experience safely, without the risk of self-destruction or self-harm. If there's a local domestic violence shelter near you you may be able to get some resources through them. There also might be some support groups you can, either in person or online. TeenHelp is a great place to start.

I hope this helped. Remember, you are worth loving, and you deserve to be safe. PM me if you need anything.



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Re: Am I traumatized? - October 14th 2020, 07:45 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered at the hands of your uncle, and also indirectly, when watching him abuse his girlfriend. No-one should have to go through those experiences, especially not when you were young.

Trauma can affect everyone differently. Some of the common symptoms as a result of trauma include flashbacks, anger and upset at memories or reminders of the event. What happened to you was not okay. There are ways of disciplining without resorting to physical assault. No-one should ever resort to physical assault for discipline and this is also true regarding adult relationships. There are healthier ways of dealing with strong emotions or difficult situations that do not include violence. It is never okay for anyone to physically assault another person, no matter what. It is never deserved or justified.

There is no need to 'stop' how you feel. Your feelings matter and are valid. However, as Eli suggested, you may want to discuss your feelings with a counsellor who specialises in trauma or PTSD. It's natural to feel confused and angry, but counselling can help you to make sense of your feelings in a safe environment. You are not going crazy- these feelings are common for someone who has been through trauma.

I hope you can take the next step and seek professional support. Hope this helps a bit


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Re: Am I traumatized? - October 21st 2020, 02:17 PM

Hi Ashley,

Thank you for reaching out.

Let me start off by saying that feeling angry, hurt, upset and traumatised after all these years is natural after having experienced such a violent incident with your uncle. I'm sorry that you had to go through that when you only had the good intention of protecting his girlfriend. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling this way.

There's no excuse for men to physically assault a woman. Your uncle has taken advantage of his position as an older male relative to abuse you. He couldn't control his anger that you wanted to protect his girlfriend - a person he should have been protecting instead of abusing. You have every right to be angry at him.

However, don't let this incident bog you down. I know this is easier said than believed, but not every man will behave with you this way. Not every man you will meet will necessarily behave in an abusive manner. The best way to overcome this is by meeting a therapist/counsellor who specialises in healing people who have experienced traumatic episodes. You might find some in your area through a quick Google search.

I agree with the rest in encouraging you to seek professional help with this. You've already won half the battle of opening up about this with us - speaking about something is the best start to recovery.

I wish you the very best! Feel free to DM me if you'd like to chat about anything
   
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