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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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was this rape? - June 12th 2009, 11:25 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been depressed and drinking for a while now. But last week when I was really drunk my friend had to take me home. He lives quite a while away so he dropped me off at the corner of my street. I was drunk so I didn't think anything of it. But when I walked down the street I felt someone grab me into this allyway just beside my house. He slammed me against the wall and started to undress me. It turned out it was my friend. I kept asking him to stop but eventually he had sex with me and I let him. I ran straight to the house crying and felt like I wanted to die. I ended up starting SH again too

But I still can't help feeling this is all my fault. I let him go all the way. I could have shouted or something. What do I do? Is it rape?

Last edited by SimplyComplex; June 19th 2009 at 09:16 PM. Reason: Adding a prefix :]
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Re: was this rape? - June 12th 2009, 11:36 PM

I'm pretty sure it was rape. Raping is when someone has sex with you and you TELL them that you don't want the sex. You told him that you wanted him to stop, but he went ahead and did it anyways.
Don't feel guilt. He is the one who didn't stop when you asked him to.
I would tell a trusted adult and have the guy reported. it might be emotionally hard for you to tell someone, but in order to have the guy dealt with you are going to have to tell someone. We are here to help you get through this and help you tell someone.
And please don't SH yourself, it isn't getting you anywhere, is it?

Hope this helps, feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk.
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Re: was this rape? - June 12th 2009, 11:55 PM

See the thing is, I don't want to get him arrested. We used to be really close friends till that. He's always the one there making sure that I don't go overboard with drink and stuff. It's just all to much to think about right now. Sh is the oly thing that keeps reality in focus right now.

I mean I really really like him. Is it wrong to not tell someone? Cause I don't think I can even if it was rape. Is it not better to keep it myself and still have him as a friend?
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Re: was this rape? - June 13th 2009, 12:33 AM

I was raped by my friend last december and I wasnt sure that it was rape either. But even tho you knew him it was still wrong what he did. I know that its hard and you dont want to have him arrested and I didnt either. I didnt report mine and i regtret it now. He needs to know that what he did was wrong. You shouldnt be his friend anymore. If you are still his friend and you dont tell anyone that is like giving him a free pass to do it again.

I know its hard but you need to either report him or at the very least not be his friend anymore.

If you need to talk feel free to PM me anytime.
   
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Re: was this rape? - June 13th 2009, 12:48 AM

Thanks guys, I'm gonna think about what you guys said tonight. See what I decide to do and let you know
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Re: was this rape? - June 13th 2009, 12:53 AM

Hey Liz,

What happened to you was NOT your fault. You said no, and he kept going. That's the bottom line. That makes it assault, no questions asked. I can understand the situation you are in right now, because it wasn't some random guy that did this to you, it was one of your friends, whom you love. That can make it harder to want to prosecute him, but Liz, he is NOT your true friend who loves you. A true, real friend would never, EVER hurt their friend the way that he hurt you. You know? It's hard to think of it that way, but it's the truth.

Let us know how you're doing, okay Liz? Remember that you deserve to be happy, healthy, and feel safe. Take good care of yourself and let me know if you want to talk. <3






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Re: was this rape? - June 13th 2009, 04:14 AM

You were drunk. He took advantage of you while you were weak. You said no. He forced you to have sex with him anyway. That is RAPE.

I can understand your not wanting to report him to the police, despite what he has done. However, please think about this: It may not have been the first time, and it may not be the last time, that he will do this to another woman. I think that frightening thought is reason enough. Stand up for your rights, and for the rights of potential victims. Send the message across to him that this ISN'T okay, and that he CAN'T get away with it. All too often, rapists do.





   
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Re: was this rape? - June 13th 2009, 10:00 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys but I think I'll just break off the friendship with him and leave it at that. But thanks for the help
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Re: was this rape? - June 14th 2009, 01:43 AM

Hey,

I am sorry that this happened to you and like everyone else said it was in no way your fault. Everyone has the right to drink and not get raped.

I am glad you are going to cut off the friendship with him. Reporting it might be too hard and that is understandable. If you need support go to a rape center(if they have one where you live) and they will help you out, give you free counseling and keep it all annonymous.

I hope that things start to get better but please talk to someone about it. That is a good way to heal the pain.

If you need an online listener or friend feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: was this rape? - June 14th 2009, 01:54 AM

I'm sorry that happened to you I know someone who was raped and it was the girl I liked for a couple years and just knowing that was really hard on me.
He did rape you and its good that you simply broke off your friendship with him.
I hope he will apologize to you someday.
But I have nothing really to add that anyone hasn't mentioned.
   
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Re: was this rape? - June 18th 2009, 04:36 PM

Liz,

if you didnt want him to have sex with you then it wasnt rape and you should really tell somebody about


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Re: was this rape? - June 19th 2009, 09:20 PM

Seeing as this thread was dead for about a week, and the OP already posted her conclusion - I'm going to close this thread. If someone disagrees, feel free to let me know. To the OP: You can always make a new thread, please feel free or I can re-open this if you feel this was still needing to be discussed.

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