Attitude towards finances/constant feeling of guilt

[Silvan]

For as long as I can remember, I have felt immense guilt because of, well, everything. My family has been able to afford more or less everything we needed, we're not well-off but I've never had to worry about money for food or clothes etc. And I've always felt sorry for people who cannot afford everything they need/want, in the sense I've always felt guilty about it. I work in a coffee shop and now with the inflation everything has become quite expensive; sometimes people come and I can see they would really like some coffee or doughnut but it's too expensive for them. I feel so awful with this fact, even though I have nothing to do with the prices we have (and actually I know they must be so high if the boss is supposed to keep up the business). My boyfriend comes from a poor family and he has to make a living himself, nobody would help him in need, and I feel bad about it because I know I have a home that I can always come back to if I need. So instead of cherishing it, I feel I'm guilty for it. I often feel unneeded, a burden and disappointment, because I work in a coffee shop and I get extra money from my parents each month, otherwise I wouldn't be able to make a living. Now that I'm writing this post I can see that all of this somehow boils down to money, and my brain generates so much thoughts and emotions about it... the fact they makes me feel so awful definitely contributes to my depression.

I wanted to vent a bit, but also hear your thoughts about this. I grew up with my loving mother, but I saw my father regularly, now I have a good relationship with both of them and visit them often. I have absolutely no idea where my weird attitude to money comes from.
Thanks for reading, it turned out longer than I had anticipated
Take care,
Sue

Hey Sue, thanks for reaching out!

I get how you can feel self-conscious about how well-off you are, and how you were fortunate enough to grow up in a financially secure home, always having food on your plate, and presentable clothes to wear. This time of year can make that self-consciousness especially worse, when all you hear about are those who are less fortunate and can't afford to buy holiday presents or put out a fancy meal on the table for their family. We add another layer where we're now constantly blaming corporate greed and the politicians for having billions of dollars and abusing their powers, evading taxes, etc etc etc. It goes on.

I think you need to remind yourself that you are fortunate where you are, no more and no less. You have a decent relationship with your parents, you are working a decent job, you have a good relationship right now. Your boyfriend probably doesn't say a whole lot either because he doesn't want to make you feel bad like you're saying here. If you want to do something about any excess money you have left over, either from income or your parents, then it's entirely up to you. Nobody can ever force you to do anything with your money.

Other than pay taxes, but that's a whole other thing.

Feel free to reach out again if you need to!

[Ennui.]

Hey!

I think one thing that may help is checking the facts. It's true that you are in a place where you are able to get what you need, and it's true that not everyone can do that. But it's also not something that you can help. You don't control the prices of things like you mentioned. It's also not your fault that other people are in that situation (and it's not theirs either). It also doesn't make you a bad person that you're able to get what you need.

Do you think that if you have time you'd be able to volunteer somewhere like a homeless shelter, food bank, something like that? It's okay if you'd rather not do this or if you're unable to do this, but I'm wondering if it may help because you're doing something to help those that aren't always able to get what they need.

Maybe the way you think about money shows that you're just a good person. I think the way you described things shows that you truly care about others and want the best for them. Of course, that doesn't help the guilt but maybe it's something you can remind yourself of when you start to feel guilty or upset.

I don't know if this helps any but I just wanted to let you know your feelings are valid, but you're not a bad person for where you come from.