I do not have an Eating Disorder. I'm okay.

[Just Peachy.]

II'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I may absolutely despise my thighs for being so large.
I may hate my stomach because it's no where near small enough.
I probably hate my chest because the bigger my boobs, the more I weigh.
And what about my height? Too short to weigh so much.
Never mind how i starve myself some days, then binge the next.
Never mind constantly looking through thinspo song/pictures.
Never mind that I absolutely despise every part of my body.
I hate myself..
My pants are falling off. My shirts are bigger,

but no, i dont have an eating disorder. Not at all.


Need some serious support.

[Ambedo.]

Hey Lynds,
I'm not sure that I can say anything that will make things better, but I do want you to know that you are not alone. I've been struggling with the same thoughts and the same denial. I still don't think I have an ED, but there are other people who do think that about me. I just wanted to remind you that you are beautiful. Message me if you need to talk, lovely.

[EmisaurusRex]

Hey dear.

Sweetheart, you know that you have an eating disorder. And I think the sooner you admit that to yourself and get help for it, the better off you're going to be. I mean, it's not like this has just come up recently. This has been a pretty consistent off and on battle for you for several years now. I think it's a big part of the reason why you don't love yourself. You're in this mindset of putting so much importance on your image, and linking that to what you're worth as a person...and it's just...it's really put a damper on you loving yourself. That's my opinion anyways.

You're right, you DO need some serious support. And we definitely have a lot of support to give you here, but you also need to be calling your counselor. You need to see about that place we talked about on the phone last weekend. I don't know if you've called either, but if you haven't, you need to, and if you have, and the one place didn't work out, then let me know and I'll help you explore some other options to look into for support. I'll help you figure out a way to get the help and support that you really, honestly need and DESERVE.

You're not a bad person. You're not unloveable and you aren't in too deep. You're not a lost cause. And Lyndsee? You're freaking beautiful. I'll keep telling you that for as long as you need me to, because I'm hopeful for the day that you'll see it for yourself. When you'll look in the mirror and say "Damn, I really am gorgeous." Hopeful for the day that you'll have a revelation that your outer beauty does not define your inner beauty. You don't have to judge yourself based on how you think you look. I mean, I've already said you're beautiful, and that definitely applies to Lynds on the outside. But that just barely covers Lynds on the inside. How beautiful your heart is, and just, your loving spirit. You're genuinely a good person. I mean that. I know you have a hard time seeing it. That you tend to think you're a bad person that doesn't deserve good things. But that's not true. It's okay to listen to these people rallying around you, reminding you of the truth. It's okay to trust them. None of us are just telling you these things to be telling you. The support we offer is not out of obligation. People honestly care about you and your well-being Lyndsee. Please see that, and please allow yourself to start to care more about you, too. I know you've got it within you, we've just got to find it.

I love you sweetheart. I'm rooting for you, always. And Lynds?
There could never be a more beautiful you <3

[Jovial.]

Lyndsee Sweetheart,

You know that you have an Eating Disorder. I know that you don't want to admit it. I know that it is scary. However, like I said tonight. You can't deny it forever. If you do then things will never start to get better. I know the thought process is that when you are starving things are better, but Hun. That really is not the truth of it. I want to see you happy Lyndsee dear. You mean alot to me.

I will be here to support you, and so will many others. I think that you do need some professional support too. They can help you identify ways to love yourself just they way you are, because you truly are perfect the way that you are. I just wish there was a way to show you that. I know that taking that next step is scary, but just push you foot forward a little bit. I promise it will be okay. During this journey, it's okay to fall, we just get back up and brush it off, and keep running. Remember when you were a young kid, and you were not afraid of anything? I think that you need to pull that inner kid out, and not be afraid to get better. If Recovery seems like too much, then don't call it recovery. Just call it making like a little bit easier. Its all baby steps dear.

Lyndsee you truly are beautiful the way you are. Do not let anyone including yourself tell you otherwise. I am by no means saying things will change overnight, but I do that you can change, you are not too deep or a loss of hope. There is always hope, okay? So the journey, its gonna be rough, and you will hit speed bumps, or pot holes, but you just gotta keep pushing, and by no means do you have to do this alone. There are all of here, that want to help you and support you, and see you get better. <3


I love you Lynds,
You know where to find me if you need me <3

[Just Peachy.]

Thank you all for your responses.

I don't think I have an eating disorder. I'm not thin enough for it. And I don't starve enough for it.
I just.. I don't know....

I can't freaking do this. It just gets worse.
I will never be beautiful.

Thanks again <3

[WashoutThePain]

You are beautiful <3 You are lovely. You are gorgeous.

[Eternal]

Originally Posted by Willow.

I don't think I have an eating disorder. I'm not thin enough for it. And I don't starve enough for it.
I just.. I don't know....

This doesn't mean that you don't have an eating disorder. An eating disorder doesn't mean you have to be extremely overweight or thin, its whenever you have damaging patterns of eating, which it sounds like you do lovely. Stay strong, you are beautiful and you don't deserve to put your body through this.

[EmisaurusRex]

You'll always be beautiful.

I think it'd be a good idea to get an appointment with a doctor to talk about your eating habits and just your self-image in general. I'll call and remind you
You can do this dear. It gets better. You just need to take some steps and reach out. It's hard, but it's worth it. You're worth a hell of a lot lovely!

[Coffee.]

Lynds,

eating disorder 
noun
any of various disorders characterized by severe disturbances in eating habits.

There's no particular height, weight, BMI, or any other requirement for an eating disorder. An eating disorder means disturbances in your eating, and the starving and binging? Disturbances. Eating disorders are often caused by low self esteem and body hatred. It doesn't matter the race, gender, or any particular amounts of weight. An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and no matter what type, from the DSMIV diagnosable ones, to the EDNOS and ones not in the manual, eating disorders are eating disorders, and they are just as serious.

Recovery is fucking scary. There is no way around that. You have to completely change everything you do, the way you think, the way you see, and that wonderful comfort bubble you've been living in for so many years because it's much easier to be there than in the real world? It has to stop. You have to stop compromising reality to make it so that everything is your fault, and that if you were thin, things would be better. Your weight has nothing to do with the other problems you are facing, or how you are viewing yourself. If you were to lose the amount of weight to get to your goal weight, you wouldn't be happy with it, and you have to admit that. All of us suffering with eating issues have lost weight before, a good amount, and thought well just this much more. It never ends, it's a horrible cycle, and sadly, even how miserable we are in it, it's comfortable.

You've probably seen me use this example quite a few times in the forums, so I apologize, but it's my favorite to be able to show the "comfortable" concept. Imagine that you are drowning in the ocean, and your eating disorder is your raft. The raft has holes all through it, and it's barely holding you up, but to you, it's keeping you alive. Now, recovery is a helicopter, and it's dangling a ladder above you, and to reach it, you're going to have to let go of everything that is keeping you afloat and risk falling off and drowning. It seems crazy, why in gods name would I let go of something keeping me alive in order to almost kill myself and drown? Well, if you get on that helicopter, it will take you home, and you won't be drowning anymore. If you fight your way to that ladder, you won't have to fight anymore. Sure, you're going to have bad days in recovery, but your worst day in recovery will be better than your best day suffering.

If you are suffering, you should get yourself help darling. Did you ever start seeing another counselor? I think this is something you need to bring up to them. You are hurting yourself, you are hurting the people around you, and are you happy? Before you answer that, would you be writing in WWSD if you were happy? No. You need to get out of this rut love. Do what is best for you, do what is HEALTHY for you. You deserve it! You are a beautiful girl, every pound of you. FUCK WHAT IS IN THE MAGAZINES, FUCK WHAT YOU SEE ON THOSE THINSPO WEBSITES. Those are half the time photoshopped and ridiculous. Stop reading those, and look around to the real world, what real women are suppose to look like, what HEALTHY women are supposed to look like. Eat well, fuel your body, and make it happy, that is what is keeping you alive and you should treat it with respect and love.

I'm here for you love, we all are!

[Stargazed.]

Everybody pretty much said what I wanted to. However, I couldn't just read and run, I wanted to put my two cents in. You deserve to get yourself some help, lovely. You deserve recovery and the first step for that is to accept your illness. So please, accept it so you can get better. You are so beautiful. You don't need those websites or starvation to feel beautiful. Embrace yourself because you are seriously beautiful. I wouldn't lie to you, Lynds. You deserve to be happy. I love you and I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. You're amazing. <3

[ShesNotThere]

You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are worth so much more than you think.

You deserve a healthy lifestyle, Lynds. Telling yourself that you don't have an ED won't do anything except make it harder to be happy. You don't need to be thinner. You need to start seeing yourself the way we do. And I hope that soon you can love yourself too ♥