TeenHelp
Get Advice Quick Ask Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Chat and Live Help Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Safety Zone
   Hotlines
   Alternatives
   Calendar


You are not registered or have not logged in
Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!) As a guest you can submit help requests, create and reply to Forum posts, join our Chat Room and read our range of articles & resources. By registering you will be able to get fully involved in our community and enjoy features such as connect with members worldwide, add friends & send messages, express yourself through a Blog, find others with similar interests in Social Groups, post pictures and links, set up a profile and more! Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JustSomeone Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
JustSomeone's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Gender: Female

Posts: 124
Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Worried for my friend - March 29th 2020, 12:41 AM

I'm worried for my friend...
She's been lost for a while...unsure what to do with her life. She's been married for several years...and while he's not physically abusive to her, she isn't happy. They have not been able to agree on many major issues and she feels trapped. He can be mentally/verbally abusive and she has talked for a long time about leaving him. We talked about this months ago and then other financial obligations came up and she didn't do it.



Yesterday, she asked me for a huge favor. She started looking into getting her own place and moving out on her own. She asked if i could ask questions about it, because she didn't want him to see anything. So i set up an appointment for her, and she went and checked out the apartment today. She said she thinks she will take it if they offer it to her, and he still doesn't know anything about it as far as i know.



I'm worried about what will happen if he finds out. I asked her if she thinks he would ever try to physically attack her. She says she doesn't think so, but you never know how people would react to these types of things. I told her if she needs ANYTHING to let me know. She feels guilty for feeling this way and thinks that everyone will see her as the bad guy no matter what happens...... I told her that would NEVER be the case for me...... i'm there for her no matter what. She told me she's afraid, and that she's never lived on her own either... i know she could...... i told her she's the toughest person i know



I just needed to get that out...but i am worried about how he will respond if she does decide to leave....
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Mallika Offline
HelpLINK Mentor

Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Mallika's Avatar
 
Name: Mallika
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 422
Points: 11,409, Level: 15
Points: 11,409, Level: 15 Points: 11,409, Level: 15 Points: 11,409, Level: 15
Join Date: January 6th 2020

Re: Worried for my friend - March 31st 2020, 10:48 AM

Hi there!

First off, I must say that you have been very supportive to your friend. It is clear that she is at crossroads - a really tough one that too - so kudos for being someone she can rely on.

Let me give my thoughts on this. I have seen one too many families where husband and wife have raged against each other day and night. Many of them have come to the point of divorce but just couldn't utter the word because of the taboo associated with divorce in my culture. However, sometimes separation is the only respite, because it is incredibly debilitating to put up with the emotional trauma when two people are at loggerheads with each other. If there are children in the household, it's an absolute nightmare for them too.

Your friend has decided to live separately from her husband, which indicates that she has prioritised her mental health over everything else, which is a great thing. But there is something I'd like to ask. Firstly, did she make this decision after a sufficient thinking, or did she make this decision on impulse? Because when the time comes and the husband finds out, he might beg her to stay put because he will say that he will try to be better in the future. If she didn't think it through, she might waver on that ground and might just decide to stay, which might necessarily be the best option for her as he might not live to his words.

But if she has made her decision, I would suggest that she proceed this way. She needs to tell him about her plan sooner or later, because things will be really bad for her if he finds out later without her having told him. Once her apartment dealings are complete and she has a place to move to, she should sit him down and tell him everything, and to respect her decision for her own mental peace.

She might have not lived alone, but circumstances make a person. I'm sure she will manage just fine. Like I said, the most important thing is that she needs to have made this decision after thinking it through well i.e. not on impulse.

Take care
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
JustSomeone Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
JustSomeone's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Gender: Female

Posts: 124
Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Worried for my friend - April 14th 2020, 03:20 PM

Thank you for the reply. at this time, she still hasn't moved out on her own, because the place she was looking into didn't work out. She is still looking for another place as far as I know. I don't think this decision was done on impulse because she has been thinking about this for a long time. But every time she ends up backing out. I think she's simply too afraid to make this decision.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
JustSomeone Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
JustSomeone's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Gender: Female

Posts: 124
Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Worried for my friend - May 18th 2020, 03:55 PM

My friend finally had a talk with her husband. She's not sure if he saw something on her phone or not, because when he asked her what was going on, she told him and he didn't react. She almost expected him to get mad, to fight, to tell her not to leave...instead she got nothing. He was quiet, didn't respond, and still hasn't made any effort to help make a change. She says it breaks her heart and she feels terrible because it's her decision... but she is separating for a while. She is signing a lease and moving out in the next week or two.


I will be there for whatever she may need.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount71
Guest
 
DeletedAccount71's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: Worried for my friend - May 18th 2020, 08:46 PM

It's good that she has you to support you in this uncertain time. Please continue to keep us posted.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
JustSomeone Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
JustSomeone's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Gender: Female

Posts: 124
Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15 Points: 10,769, Level: 15
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Worried for my friend - June 7th 2020, 01:00 AM

Thank you! She found herself a house to move in to. She hasn't moved out yet, but is in the process of buying everything she needs for it.


She's afraid to be alone, but i promised her i will help anyway i can. I told her if she needs me to, i'll just stay over the first night she moves in. I'm proud of her for making this big step.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
DeletedAccount71
Guest
 
DeletedAccount71's Avatar
Edit avatar
 

Posts: n/a

Re: Worried for my friend - June 7th 2020, 04:11 AM

I am so glad your friend has a safer place to go to. That must be a huge relief for both of you! I'm happy you are able to support your friend so well. Hopefully once she moves to a new place things will really feel more stable and less stressful.
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Mallika Offline
HelpLINK Mentor

Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Mallika's Avatar
 
Name: Mallika
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 422
Points: 11,409, Level: 15
Points: 11,409, Level: 15 Points: 11,409, Level: 15 Points: 11,409, Level: 15
Join Date: January 6th 2020

Re: Worried for my friend - June 9th 2020, 08:48 AM

Hi there,

Thanks for the update! It's so nice to hear that she has made this big step! And I'm sure she couldn't have done it without you, so you ought to be really proud of yourself for being a friend in need

Sometimes we worry more than we should - living alone might be really scary at first, but once she gets accustomed to it, it might not be as bad as previously thought. A lot of people end up loving the peace, quiet and independence

Take care, both you and your friend!
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
friend, worried

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 
User Infomation
Your Avatar

Latest Articles & News
- by Rob
- by Rob

Advertisement



All material copyright ©1998-2024, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.