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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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It hurts to be left out - August 22nd 2021, 04:59 PM

I woke up and scrolled Facebook like I normally do and there was a picture of a bunch of my friends visiting each other and it hurt since I wasn't even invited.

At first, the borderline personality disorder side of my brain decided they hate me and don't actually want to be friends with me and just tolerate me.

In reality it's probably because I don't drive. The obvious solution is to get my license, please don't tell me that. I know, I do know. I have appointments for driving lessons although they may have to reschedule for my surgery. I have failed twice. I'm trying but it's just hard, okay? But it's also hard and painful knowing I'm missing out with seeing people that I haven't seen in a while and miss dearly because I don't drive. Of course, there's also the appointments and things I have to hide and find workarounds to get to, and the thing where I can't work most jobs in my field because they require driving, so it all just hurts.

I had to stop scrolling Facebook and get off for at least a few hours until the newsfeed refreshes. It just hurts to be missing out on all these things in life.


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Re: It hurts to be left out - August 22nd 2021, 05:11 PM

I think a lot of us can relate to how you're feeling Dez. We all want to be included in thins, especially socialising with groups of friends. When I was at university I felt a bit left out at times because my friends were all closer with one another and I felt like the odd one out. I didn't feel like I completely belonged with them and I just didn't fit. For the times I was invited to things, it was great. But out of all the friends I'd had, only 2 ever seemed to want me to actually be around.

I commend you on trying to get your license. 30 years old and I still haven't even bothered applying for mine because of learning disabilities. Even if you've failed twice, that doesn't matter. Fact of the matter is that you're trying and that's what counts. I'd also like to point out a lot of people fail multiple times on their driving test. Sometimes it's not the driving or lack of knowledge itself that's the problem, but knowing it's a test that's the issue. The stress that they can put a person under, it can create a lot of anxiety worrying if you're going to do ok.

Is there any possibility that you could chat with your friends and see if they can visit you. I recognise it may be a lot to ask and they may also be busy, but surely if they want to see you, they'd make the effort?


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Re: It hurts to be left out - August 22nd 2021, 05:18 PM

Quote:
Is there any possibility that you could chat with your friends and see if they can visit you. I recognise it may be a lot to ask and they may also be busy, but surely if they want to see you, they'd make the effort?
One of them just got her license and a car herself, so I'm a bit nervous to ask her to drive such a distance. For the others they normally have me meet at a halfway point which would be great if my dad wasn't driving me to said halfway point and then picking me up They've never offered to come here so of course I worry it means they don't actually want to.

You hit the nail on the head! I do have a few things I need to work on again like turning corners slower and parking, but when I went to test I had a panic attack both times before even going in because of a fear of failure.


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Re: It hurts to be left out - August 22nd 2021, 09:15 PM

Hi Dez,

I am so sorry that you we're not invited to hang out with some of your friends and when you saw the pictures of your friends together having fun, this is not a good feeling to have. When you are able to, try to call them and talk with them about this and let them know how this made you feel and see if they would be able to come close to you to visit and all of you can get together to do something fun. You can all go out to breakfast lunch or dinner or to a movie or to the beach or something else that you all enjoy doing together. Also if they are not able to come close to you, then see if maybe your sister or someone else in your family can drive you the next time they are going to get together and then you will still be able to hang out with them and have a lovely time together. Try not to think about this too much, if you can get your mind off of this for a while, reading a book or drawing or painting or writing or watching movies or TV shows or playing games or something else that you enjoy doing. I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you to help you to be okay soon.


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Re: It hurts to be left out - August 23rd 2021, 09:55 AM

Hi Dez,

It certainly hurts when you don't get invited to spend time with your friends. I've been in so many situations like this where I don't get invited and it really does stink. The only advice I can give you is possibly speaking with your friends on how it makes you feel? I hope this helped.


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