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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Not friends anymore...? - September 2nd 2021, 03:26 PM


Iíve known A for four years and weíve got very close during the last year. Heís the one I wrote a letter to in June, admitting that I liked him (some of you may remember that thread). We met in July, cleared it up and things between us seemingly returned to normal.


In winter I met a girl (Iíll call her E) during a party hosted by A. We instantly connected and quickly formed a friendship. Sheís the girlfriend of Aís best friend (Iíll call him C). Sorry itís getting complicated



So during the past year I partied and generally spent quite a lot of time with those three and I invited them to my summerhouse at the beginning of holidays. I felt like they were really my friends. After that trip we were all travelling on and off, so I only got the chance to meet them again a week ago. I had been anticipating the meeting throughout the whole July & August. A invited me and E to his place (C was away). We had a really good time on this Ďsurfaceí level, but in fact I came back home the next day super anxious and upset. Hereís why:


- I told them about my interest in astrology, spiritualism etc. Iím quite deep into those things but I never tell people because theyíre quick to judge and I feel like they donít take me seriously after they know about it. So even my closest friends didnít know. Especially A is super rational and science-oriented (of course I believe in science too but thatís a different topic). I had had a few drinks and I told them, but immediately after I knew I shouldnít have done it. They started prompting me to tell them more and more and honestly I felt like a comedian during a stand-up, making a fool of myself for the sake of their entertainment. I really regretted starting that conversation at all. Later during the night they made a joke or two on that topic and it really hurt.
- It turned out they were planning to go on a trip to the mountains with C and some other friends that week, but decided against because of bad weather. I hadnít known and that hurt too. I didnít have the guts to admit it and ask why they hadnít invited me.
- A&C study in a different country and I really wanted to visit that country as well, so I thought I could go with A at the beginning of September and return after a few days or so. I had to resign because of strict covid measures (Iíd have to pay a lot for tests). During the meeting E told me sheís going there with C in September to sightsee a bit and then come back. She hadnít known I wanted to go there too, but A had known, and he didnít tell me that E was going. If I had known my decision could have been different.
- Also, A invited E&C and some other friends to his summerhouse just before the trip to mine. He had not invited me. I found out in July, but I shrugged it off, maybe he had his reasons. But now it seems he hasnít invited me not on one, but three trips.


On the other hand, he invited me to his house last week so it doesnít seem as if he dislikes my company.
To sum up, all these things combined hurt me a lot and Iím at a loss. I donít know if it makes sense to engage in these friendships anymore.

I'm extremely grateful for reading the whole story, I know it's long. I'll appreciate any advice and your views on the whole situation.
xxx S


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Re: Not friends anymore...? - September 2nd 2021, 03:41 PM

It definitely does hurt when friends invite other people to things and then don't invite you, especially if it's something really big and they assume you don't want to/can't go. I've had that happen recently in one of my friend groups!

Do you think it would be worth it to talk to them about how this hurts you? It may not be that they don't have to be friends anymore, but it may be that they genuinely didn't realize how much this would hurt you. If they don't know, they'll never be able to rectify the situation. Maybe let them know that even if you may not be able to go for whatever reason, you still appreciate the invites and being included in things.

I know this wasn't super detailed advice but I mainly wanted to let you know that you definitely aren't alone in that, and your feelings are very valid!


   
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