Supporting Someone Grieving

[Troubled_Heart]

Hi,

So my boyfriend's Grandad died 11 years ago but he still mourns for him a lot and I was wondering how I could support him apart from just saying I'm here for you because that isn't really helping him much :/

Many thanks

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

Maybe what you can do is encourage him to come talk to you or someone he trusts when he is having a problem, because that way he won't have to deal with things on his own. Let him know that you understand that things are really hard for him right now but bottling it up inside won't help. You can try and be open and supportive with him by listening to what he has to say.

Maybe you can give him ways to get closure as well. For instance, he can make a scrapbook of all the good times he had with his grandad if he has any pictures. Or, he can write his grandad letters. What he does with those letters is up to him. For instance, he can keep them, tear them up, burn them, or put it outside to let the wind take it. He can even tie it to a balloon and watch it float away.

Also let him know that even though his grandad isn't physically with him anymore, that doesn't mean he isn't proud of him. I bet his grandad would be so proud of him if he was here today for trying so hard and getting through the days, and depending on what he believes, his grandad could be sending him smiles right now. He could be in the sunshine or the clouds, or watching him from the stars. It is okay to feel sad sometimes or even cry sometimes when things get to be too much, but his grandad probably wouldn't want to see him sad all the time. Do things that would make both himself and his grandad proud.

I hope he can get through this. Even though you may not know how to fully help, you are an amazing girlfriend for wanting to!

-Dez

[FairyPoppins]

I agree with Dez - you could encourage him to write down how he is feeling.

11 years is quite a long time, even in bereavement terms, and indicates that he has unresolved feelings about what happened. It might be worth him having some sessions with a specialist bereavement counsellor who can support him in finding some sort of closure.

[Troubled_Heart]

A lot of it is because he feels guilty because he had a super close relationship with his Grandad but his sister didn't know him at all. Thank you, I think he's feeling a bit better now but if the topic ever comes up (which in life it obviously does) he gets so so sad, it's heartbreaking to see since he's rarely that sad......

[Eternal Dreamer ♥]

Its been a rough year for me, but I also lost someone a while ago, and its not easy when its brought up. Its normal to feel sad when its brought up, even if its been awhile. They miss that person, and they are basically thinking of all the good, sad, or bad times they may have had with the person. I know when people tell me they are there for me does help. Its really all you can do; is be there for them. Keep doing what you are doing.