When you are bullied.....

[better-than-ecstasy]

When people bully you and talk crap and such I wanna know

Does it hurt more when they say something to your face?
or....
Behind your back?

I always thought it hurt more when they said it to my face. Because I knew they were trying to hurt me.
When its behind my back it seems like they are trying not to hurt me as much.

But then my sister said when they talk behind your back they tell more people and everybody hates you. That being said she thinks it hurts more behind her back. When people say it to her face she has a chance to stick up for herself.

So what do you guys think?

[MadPoet]

I think it hurts more when someone talks behind your back. Usually when someone talks behind your back they're not hurtful to your face, and you might even trust them a little bit. So when you find out that they've been talking about you, it hurts a lot more than it would if they had just been saying stuff to your face all along. The only times I have been bullied were by people talking behind my back, and it's awful because you don't know it's going on, and when you find out you're humiliated that you never knew what people were saying about you.

[George^^]

Both. I hate when people talk behind other people's backs, but it happens so often. Everyone does it, even I'm guilty. I also hate it when people come up to you and make fun of you. I've been bullied to my face most of my life. I've been told I'm hairy and ugly and fat... That hurt quite a lot, but I think they can both hurt you a lot.

[better-than-ecstasy]

I like that idea. It hurting just the same.

[Ennui.]

I agree that it can hurt the same. When you're told to your face the words have that immediate and long lasting impact, but then when they talk behind your backs you get really embarrassed and upset that people are saying all of that about you, it's really tough.

[Everglow.]

Hey,

For me personally it depends on who it is that's saying the comments. If it's someone I don't know at all or particularly well, it would probably hurt more for them to say it to my face simply because, if they said it behind my back I would see it as just their opinion. It may bother me, but I think everyone is entitled to an opinion. When someone I don't know then brings it up to me and uses it against me directly, I find it hurts me, personally, more.

However if it's someone I know well, I think it hurts just as much whether its to my face or behind my back that they're talking about me. I feel this way because, if I'm close with someone, I'd expect them to accept my flaws and not necessarily have much of a problem with me. If they're talking behind my back I'd feel upset that they didn't talk directly to me, but if they started bullying me face to face, obviously it would hurt anyway.

So I think it really depends, but generally I'd say it doesn't matter how people do it. Either way can hurt someone a lot regardless of who they are or how they go about bullying.

I hope this helped,
Hollie.

[better-than-ecstasy]

Wow, yes this did help. Thank you!

[Unknown10]

From personal experiences comments behind my back hurt more than things said to my face; simply because it's as though they feel that they can't tell me what they think. I'd rather be told than things being said behind my back or people being two-faced to me. Yeah direct things aimed at me hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as when people hide it from you and slag you off to others and whatnot.

[The.adorable.1]

Behind your back, i've had both and this is worse for me.

[Sequin]

Originally Posted by BruceLeeDemarcus

When people bully you and talk crap and such I wanna know

Does it hurt more when they say something to your face?
or....
Behind your back?

If I were forced to pick one, OP, I think I would actually prefer they just talk behind my back. I try not to put much emphasis on what people say about me anymore, but if they are going to say things I'd rather not hear them. I've been bullied quite consistently, also, so I feel I have a good enough take on which I prefer least.

[better-than-ecstasy]

Thanks for all of the different answers guys. This really helped me become more open minded about things.

[The Goblins Blade]

I know this is a bit off topic, but ill put this here anyway. I was bullied horribly in secondary school, from year seven to year eleven. Anyway, one day i was walking home from school with a couple of mates and several of the bullies were walking behind us taunting me and spitting at me. We walked past a set of railings as they were still projecting mucas in my direction, suddenly out of nowhere i just snapped. From all the years of bullying i had endured, it was pretty understandable of my reaction. Without thinking, i quickly took my coat off and gave it to my mate. Turning around i just charged at the ringleader of the group who had been the worst offender throughout the years. I smashed him so hard in the mouth that he went down like a sack of spuds, then in a fit of rage i just kept laying into him whilst his mates backed off. With him laying on the ground with blood pouring from his nose, mouth and several cuts i had given him during the beating, i quickly got up and resumed walking down the road with my mates. They were very understanding and patted me on the back for it. Luckily this was the last day of school before GCSE'S started. When i came back for my exams, he was nowhere to be seen. It turns out that i gave him such a fright, he decided to not show his face around me anymore.

I felt fucking proud after that

He still avoids me to this day I ran into him the other week and as soon as he saw me, crossed the street so quickly that i thought he was going to create a smoke trail behind him lol

Anyway, to awnser your question - I would be more pissed off if it was behind my back.

[Squiggly]

I think that they can both hurt a person equally and either way it isn't right.

[better-than-ecstasy]

Will sterry- It wasn't too off topic. So like are you saying when the bully you to you face its the time you have a chance to stick up for yourself instead of behind your back?

Stacy- I agree none of it is ever right!

[The Goblins Blade]

Will sterry- It wasn't too off topic. So like are you saying when the bully you to you face its the time you have a chance to stick up for yourself instead of behind your back?

Pretty much, yes. I just had enouth by that point.

[better-than-ecstasy]

Okay. Thank you very much!

[The Goblins Blade]

No problem

[better-than-ecstasy]

Just wondering....Has anybody favored an answer to my question as in like to your face or behind your back....If you chose one of them, have you been in another situation of bullying where the other choice affected you more in a certain situation, but overall you still have your answer? I know that might sound confusing so I'll try to make up an example.

Since I always felt it was to my face. Therehappened to be a moment when it hurt more behind my back like when basically the entire school was calling me a Lesbian. That hurt more then when people said it to my face. Cuz I know my favorite teacher was bound to hear cuz his daughter goes to our school. And he is kind of religious and stuff blah blah blah. But over all I have to say to my face.

[Sequin]

Originally Posted by BruceLeeDemarcus

If you chose one of them, have you been in another situation of bullying where the other choice affected you more in a certain situation, but overall you still have your answer?

It's hard for me to judge worse forms of bullying, OP. I chose "behind my back" as preferential earlier because it is less I have to deal with (out of mind / out of sight). I could give you several stories for either example, but I don't think they would be very beneficial for you to hear. So I will answer your question by simply saying that yes, I have been in situations where either one of these was as terrible as the other.

[better-than-ecstasy]

Okay thank you. I wouldn't mind to hear your stories!