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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
NateT Offline
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Question Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 05:08 AM

Recently, I've been skipping school. It's really the only way I can cope with everything.

Mainly, it's because of my anxiety, but also, my depression has just been getting worse recently, and this is the only place I can use for releasing what I'm feeling. I've got like three or four friends who I hang out with, and one of them is a guy who's really affectionate (or could be into me :\ ). I had a heart to heart with him a week or so back; I thought I could trust him, but he's just telling anyone which is bringing me down because I don't want anyone else to know, so I usually just change the subject or say he's lying.

Do any of you skip school? What do you tell everyone that asks why you missed a day?

I usually tell everyone I was throwing up and didn't feel well because I don't want to tell everyone the truth because I know they wouldn't understand.
   
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Re: Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 05:05 PM

Hi there And welcome to teenhelp!
I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you... :/ I've never skipped class, but I often think about it, and god it's tempting! First of all you have to realize that, your anxiety and depression put aside, attending school is the best option to take. I'm not really sure of how I can help here, but I guess you could try slowly decreasing the number of school days you miss... For example, let's say you usually skip 4 days a week; next week, try only skipping 3; the week after that, 2, then 1, then once a month and so on... I know how hard it is to quit doing something when it's so relieving and simple to do... I guess the only advice I can give is TRY!

I really hope this works out... if you succeed in attending school more often, you'll be very thankful you did so in the future.

Best of luck,

Skye.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 05:19 PM

Hey there,

When I've skipped school, I generally just tell people that I wasn't feeling well or that I had an appointment. That being said, I definitely don't condone skipping school. I know how difficult it is to find the energy to get out of bed and do everyday things when depression kicks in, but it really is necessary. One thing that I've found to help me is to remind myself that if I give in and skip school, then I am letting my depression win and further control my life. Even though going to class can really suck sometimes, I do my best to put a positive spin on it and look at it as a victory. Perhaps you can come up with some kind of reward system for decreasing the number of days that you skip school. For example, if you only skip one day a week instead of two or three, treat yourself to an ice cream cone or a new shirt. Having an external driver can sometimes help give you the motivation that you need. If you go to school often enough, you'll eventually find the internal desire to do it as well.

As for your friend, I'm really sorry to hear that he broke your confidence. It sounds like this is a big reason for you continuing to skip school, so I would definitely advise talking to him about it. It's possible that he is telling people because he actually thinks that it will help to have more people know and be there to support you. I know I've encountered people like that. Regardless of his reasoning, it isn't okay for him to spread things you told him in private without his permission. Try talking to him about this and explaining how it is affecting you to have your business spread to people you don't want knowing it. If it turns out that he really was just trying to help, explain to him that you appreciate it, but that he needs to come to you next time before sharing what you tell him with anyone else. Perhaps you can provide him some suggestions of other ways he can be helpful to you. If, in fact, he was spreading your secrets to be malicious, I strongly recommend cutting him out of your life completely.

I hope this helped a bit. Feel free to PM me if you need anything.


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Re: Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 09:30 PM

Hi there, I've skipped school also- and pretty much for almost the same reasons as you- and it is a struggle I know.
I probably faked being sick or told my mum and my friends that my ingrown toenail was playing up (which doesn't as much anymore) but my final time my mum thought I was going to my school's Sixth Form but I had walked to a shop, bought a drink and came home. I even turned on Airplane mode on my phone, I didn't want anyone to talk to me or bring me down because of it.
Even a friend of mine gave me Hell when my mum began talking to the school to sort it out, my friend had told me that the teachers were becoming angry because I just didn't go anymore and it seriously riled my anxiety up to the point that I had two anxiety attacks on the way to go to a meeting with my mum at the school, I couldn't go because I became so scared and I couldn't face anyone at school (I probably still can't today) and I dropped out- thankfully I had properly finished school and can move on to get a job or such etc although the government urges for 16-18 to at least be in education (still trying to figure that out).

And at your age, education is definitely important. Try to talk to your friend about how you feel about him telling other people, explain that you don't want others to know, clearing the air does help- when I explained to my friend who basically lied to me about the teachers being furious at me (which they weren't because my mum spoke to them and she said they were really concerned for me) she understood and told me that I should get some help by going to the doctors- so hopefully your friend will understand.
Also, I think you should tell a parent or a teacher when you're next in school, things could get worse if they start catching on and it will definitely be better to tell them the truth than to persistently tell them you were sick etc.

Things will get better and people will understand eventually, just give them time. I know how this feels and I tried to keep quiet but I guess turning my phone off wasn't a good option, heh.
Feel free to message me anytime if you need anything! ^^




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Re: Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 09:55 PM

In 8th grade I skipped a TON of school since I hadn't faked sick before then my mom was easily fooled into letting me stay home. That's also when my depression started, but I don't know if I consciously made the connection between the two. I HATED pretty much everything about school, felt horrible, and if I managed to get out of a test, or better, a presentation, and get away with it I was all for it!

Once I got to high school I stopped doing it, still had the anxiety and the depression, but after being legitimately sick I quickly learned that missing even one day put me so far behind it made the mental illnesses worse and it wasn't worth it. They also enforced a 10 day absence limit per year except for extenuating circumstances and there were procedures in place to make sure we didn't skip specific classes and discipline that made it more trouble than it was worth.

Things got better in college for me in terms of schedules and when I skipped classes there, they were only ones I knew wouldn't affect my grade or we got a certain number of classes we could miss so I didn't have to worry about it. I was studying stuff I liked for the most part, so it was easier.

I know how tempting skipping school is, but in the long run it only makes the underlying conditions worse because you fall behind and there's pressure to catch up or later on you might have issues graduating. I will be the last person to ever tell you that mental illness is not a good excuse, but there are limits.

Eventually you have to realize that, without help the conditions won't go away so you can get help, push through and do what you need to do, or make things worse in the long run by allowing them to run your life. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm saying it to prevent you from having serious problems down the road here. An occasional mental health day is fine, but consistently skipping is asking for trouble.


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Re: Skipping School - April 28th 2015, 10:01 PM

Hi there i have skipped school before to and it's tough with people asking why you werent there. I usually would tell them that I wasn't feeling good or that I had to go somewhere for whatever reason. I know this maybe hard to do but maybe go to school and talk to a guidance counselor I know it will seem hard to trust them and all at first but even just telling them simple things that are going on might help you out. If you ever need to talk to someone I am here you can Pm me.
   
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Re: Skipping School - April 29th 2015, 03:22 AM

This year, skipping doesn't really matter that much. My school also has the ten day limit on missing school, but I don't think they care because my grades are fine. I have no trouble in school. It's just really not a good experience for me. Half the time, my dad doesn't even know. I think next year will be better and I won't miss as much. This year is dragging on and the subjects are uninteresting. I'll start limiting the number I can miss per ___ (week or month or anything, really). That will help I'm sure. Today, I found out that one of my other friends who I used to trust (I don't really now) has been telling my other "malicious" friend everything we talk about and I've actually shared my depression with her (even if she didn't understand, it helped to share it with someone I think). She said sorry, but I can't take this anymore. They keep going behind my back. The only person at school I can trust really is my "girlfriend." I put it in quotes because I don't view us as that, but we are good friends and I trust her completely as she does, me, but since we're attracted to each other, I don't want to make her think lower of me, so I don't share my emotions with her etc. After coming back to school, I just go to the teachers and get the work. I haven't fallen behind in any classes and I just teach myself. I'm going to start cracking down on my skipping school so I can limit the days missed because I know it's not healthy, but it's the only thing keeping me sane. That, and this place . Thanks everyone who posted replies. It was all helpful and I really can't say enough how amazing you guys are taking time out of your day to help people.

Thank you everyone,
~Nate
   
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