Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

I am so stuck in my head. This isn't any way to be living. What am I going to do to distract myself when it's all in my head all the time. I wish I could just shut it off.

[Gwynbleidd]

Goddamn why the hell did I move here, a better choice would have been to move an hour to the coast. Then I wouldn't be so damn lonely. And goddamn computer your shit in a plastic wrapper cant handle anything.

[Kintsukuroi.]

Fuck. I'm triggered and I need to cut so bad, but if I do I won't be able to stay in control. I'm freaking out. I want to fucking die. Why is this happening to me.
I'm nothing. I want to leave. I fucking don't want to be here anymore.

[Kate*]

My dream career could end tomorrow and I'm TERRIFIED. I don't feel like it's going to, but that doesn't mean I'm right.

Dear Body,

You fucking suck. Are you really going to do this to me? Really? Let me get this straight...your ankle suddenly gives out and is at the very least badly sprained, if not fractured. So now you're on crutches for weeks. You get a head cold days before you leave on a trip, which might be fine except oh fucking wait, you decide to get vertigo! So now you feel dizzy and nauseated all the fucking time. And on top of THAT, now you possibly have an ear infection and may not be able to go on your trip because it involves flying.

You're fucking going on that trip. You've been planning it for months. MONTHS! And fucking dammit, not fucking cold or ear infection is going to stop me from having fun. I don't care if you're in pain the entire flight. You're going. So suck it the fuck up already and start healing.

[Most Likely]

So turns out my constant bad feelings might not be mental, I might have diabetes... oh god please, no. I don't want to be ill...

[owlcity:)]

I freaking you, fat, and ugly. Just die already.. I wish. And then I just want someone to hug me and love me and say it will all be okay. It's not okay though!

[Kintsukuroi.]

I don't even know what to feel. I'm numb but at the same time I feel so much pain and disgust. I just want to stay in control of my feelings and not let him win. I feel like I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is getting be way to fucking much and I don't think I can handle it. I just want to die.

[Kate*]

I have heard nothing from nobody and we start in 2 weeks. I need to know who is doing what and when. E-mails please. I don't even know who my supervisor is yet or even where my class is. COME ON!!!

I'm freaking out over it ending again, I made it just over 24 hours this time. I wish I had an answer, I can't take this up and down anymore. I will be going back to him, that's a given; but everything has to work out first and I'm scared.

Thank you, I just hope that the people who need to be educated will actually read it.

[Gwynbleidd]

I'm disgusted with my brain. Why the hell do you want those, and disgusted with him to, why are you so damn attached to it, you know your nothing but a fucking con man making the worst damn trades, now I gotta spend 10-20$ getting fucking replacements! DAMN YOU!

I hate when people mention my weightloss "You really look like you've lost weight." "Have you lost weight?" It makes me feel so disgusted with myself. Fucking hate me!

[Forging Galaxies]

I'm done with life, sick of it.

I don't like the voices, the screaming.
The guilt. I'm just a mindless shell.

[luckiicloverxx]

I'm sick of being confused about all this. I'm just sick of it.

[Forging Galaxies]

Fuck...
I hate being so... empty, almost shapeless...

I just fucking hate it!

[mindflower]

I am such an idiot. I just suck at virtually everything and everyone hates me and I just need to shove my head in the sand. I'm making Matthew come back to get me tomorrow for band and I just can't stop loving him so yeah I'm pathetic as all hell, and I completely played with Cody's emotions today, and my scars hurt so badly, and I can't STAND my mom and her family right now, what BULLSHIT.

[Kintsukuroi.]

This is going to be a really fucking long night. I am a mess. I want to leave.
I need to stop these tears. I need to stop being so fucking pathetic and worthless. I should just fucking disappear and not bother anyone.

[Forging Galaxies]

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE DEPRESSED ALL DAY?!!!
And i had to sleep it off which MEANS I HAVE TO HAVE NIGHTMARES WHICH I JUST WOKEN UP FROM!

WASTE OF A FUCKING DAY!

[Kate*]

Give me an answer by Monday or I'm nagging. I'm going to the orientation which means I need to be ready to see clients or they will think I'm irresponsible. Did you not know that I was going to start now, or did you just forget about me? This is my life, it isn't funny, and I need to know what you decide NOW!

[Kintsukuroi.]

Ugh. I hate how I can be 'okay' to being so triggered and down. Now I just want to fucking cut, or better yet just leave. So much for making three weeks, I don't care anymore. What's the point of trying, when i'll only fail.

[luckiicloverxx]

You know what? Sometimes I don't like talking to you because you're not very pleasant. Other people have their own opinions, you know, and just because they're not the same as yours, it does not mean that they are wrong!!! Just leave me alone for freaks sake.

[Forging Galaxies]

Suicidal once again...

[Kintsukuroi.]

Thank you mother dearest for making me feel so fucking fat and worthless. Really thank you so fucking much for speaking your mind. "are you going to eat that? haven't you already ate enough today?" thanks for making me feel so fucking gross.

[Jovial.]

I'm slipping. You just don't see it.

[friendlycat]

It's not that wrong to feel suicidal for no reason, is it?

[Em.]

feel so lonely

[Kate*]

I'm not sure which would be worse at this point, getting a "no" answer, or getting no answer at all. I know I'll eventually get one because they can't just not tell me, but I'm afraid it's going to come too late. I'm a nervous wreck either way. I'm either terrified of what happens if they say no or I'm terrified of being allowed to have what I want because they've convinced me that I can't do it. Not knowing is worse though because I get to be terrified of what the answer will be and what happens in both outcomes. At least once I know which way it's going I only have one thing to be afraid of. I need to get back in to see him, but it's only possible if they let me stay and they need to tell me ASAP! I'm not expecting an answer on a weekend, but if I don't have one by tomorrow afternoon, I have no choice but to start pushing them. He told me he'd talk to him and that was a week ago. They've had 2 weeks, I have 1 before I have to be ready. I can't wait any longer.

Most of the time when I freak out like this, it ends up not being as bad as I think, I'm hoping this turns out the same way, but there's always the chance that it won't and that's what the anxiety survives on. As soon as they make their decision, if I'm staying I'm immediately making another appointment with him. He may not be my favorite person, but he helps and that's what I need him for.

[Jordioa18]

My parents are fighting cause of some petty lie... What the fuck!?

[Lumos.]

I've gotten really bad again and somehow have managed not to cut, but oh how i want to.. i'm trying
i'm really fucking afraid that one of my friends killed herself, because she wasn't at school on friday and she promised she'd see and text me that day and i tried texting her and she never replied.. fuck. then my other good friend is really suicidal and told me that she doesn't see herself making it past this week. all of this then makes me suicidal, great.

[KymPerson]

I'm 22, and have never even kissed a guy. No boyfriend, never been on a date. I feel so alone...

F^^k you! Please just stop. It's all so confusing and I can't deal. I am pathetic.

[Kintsukuroi.]

GAH. My fucking brother came running into my desk and my imac fell and is totally shattered and not useable. My dad told me to fucking be more careful and bitched me out, yeah it's totally MY FUCKING FAULT that he ran into my desk and hit it. Great so no more imac, he bought a mac mini online and a new monitor 'cause I'm not 'responsible' enough to have a new one. Like it's my fault. I am in such a bad mood and now I get to be bitched at now for all the fucking mistakes I make and why it is my fault. Cue the tears

[Kate*]

Even if I don't have to actually go in there until the second week, I would appreciate a response before I move up there for nothing. You couldn't possibly cut this any closer, this is ridiculous!!

[Lumos.]

so triggered. trying to stay distracted..

[Forging Galaxies]

I CANT FUCKING SLEEP!!!!!!

[Mariliss]

The girl I have a major crush on just got a girlfriend. And I can tell this relationship is going to last quite a while. And I may be friend-zoned anyway.
But STUPID, STUPID brain can't stop thinking about her. About how much I care about her. Why can't I just give up on this? It almost seems like it's actually impossible for me to just be all, "Oh well, she's taken, probably for a long time. Time to move on." It's been two weeks already, come on brain! Stop being so dang heartbroken. Stop almost crying. Don't. There's no reason to.
Aaaggh, I just realized that a little before she got together with her now girlfriend, she might have been testing me to see if I liked her.
DANGIT. STUPID. ME. WHY. STOP BEING SUCH A LIAR AND TELL THE TRUTH WHEN PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS LIKE SHE DID AGGHH. I almost can't wait for school to start so I can meet someone new that I can have a crush on. I hate being like this, I need to stop.

[Forging Galaxies]

Why do I even bother living?

It's obvious that by a few years, I'll still be the worthless, sad, lonely, pathetic human being as I am right now.

I don't have a future, I lost... people.
I don't even know why I fucking bother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kintsukuroi.]

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, why can't he take a fucking hint and leave me the fuck alone. It isn't fair that he can keep on fucking with my head. I can't handle having him back in my fucking life. My dad is being a fucking jerk, and now this?!? I can't handle this. I need to cut.

[Forging Galaxies]

Is this it?!
AM I TO BE TRAPPED WITH MY DEMONS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!

[Chai.]

Fuck you! Its a life changing decision that you have to make for yourself and all you can think of is this crappy joke! And why the fuck am I bothered about you! Jeez take a break Kav.

[Invisible...]

I HATE YOU DAD!!!!!!!!! Thank you for ruining my night, plus upsetting my boyfriend and I. Hate you. My trust in you has diminished greatly.