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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"
Re: Screaming thread. -
January 11th 2021, 02:48 AM
[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I don’t want to work. I don’t want a career. I don’t want to sell my soul for money, sacrifice my life, or waste good years that I’ll never get back. I don’t want to be exploited or just some cog in someone else’s machine. I don’t even want to be the machine. I don’t want to work. I don’t think any kind of work will give me any great meaning in my life. It's foolish that society equates work with worth, success, and fulfillment. People are praised for learning “work skills” and “career building” as if that’s the be-all-end all of a good and prosperities life. To me, it isn’t. It’s wasting away in some office cubicle punching the same numbers, going into the same building selling the same things, pumping out the same art over and over again. That’s not how I want to live and that’s not the air I want to breathe. I don’t want the pressure of trying to stay relevant and not get fired. I don’t want my entire life and entire identity tied to what I do to survive. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to feed this toxic system and culture that’s so ingrained in our society. And yet, I still feel like a POS for it all. For not doing anything or not changing the world when I know I can. For just sitting on my behind all day and feeling sorry for myself. I want to do something but I can’t because when I try, all I think is “oh maybe I can do this for work.” Then it scares me because it’s work and it’s no longer for me, it’s for a profit. Even the dreams I thought I had, the work I thought I’d be happy doing, I don’t want it anymore. Because it’s work. Because it’s something I have to do. It sickens me knowing I have to if I want to stay alive. If I work, if I sell my soul, I waste my time when I could be free. I really wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish I didn’t know so much. Dive so deep. I wish I just kept buying into the myth I was sold all my life. I happier then. I don’t know anymore. At this point I don’t want to be anything, I just want to be.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]
Re: Screaming thread. -
January 12th 2021, 12:54 AM
So much for not craving things. And my only option is either crackers I hate, or a giant plain bagel. I meant to ask for healthier things I could nibble on for when this happened.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
January 12th 2021, 12:06 PM
Sigh. I knew it was going to happen. I said to my friend last night it was going to happen. As soon as I settle into starting to do some writing. SARAH SARAH SARAH. I talk to you every day. I give you loads of attention. My door is closed. Can't you give me some peace for ONE day.
Re: Screaming thread. -
January 18th 2021, 04:50 AM
"I wasn't looking for or expecting this." "I never would've thought of doing this, but I absolutely love it."
I feel like this will never be me. Nothing is ever going to "fall into my lap" or just happen to work out. That everything has always been, and always will be a fight for me, and I hate that.
Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
Re: Screaming thread. -
February 2nd 2021, 12:00 AM
Did I have a panic attack just now or is it something worse? Can't work out if my head feels scrambled because of that or if I have something wrong with me.