Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Kate*]

I love how you don't require the questions, but then respond by refusing to move forward with my application until I answer the questions you didn't make me answer. Shit like this is why people hate job searching!

[Kate*]

With my luck neither of them will be there and not a word will be spoken to me. But, regardless, the amount of leverage I have is undeniable and my threats to walk are not empty.

I know and completely understand why it's here, but it would really help if this anxiety would chill the fuck out. My ass is more than covered and they need me WAY more than I need them. Not to mention the leverage and contact information I hold.

[Soda_Voxel]

maybe if I just lie about everything and become a person I'm totally not, then i'll feel like i'm good enough

[Ragamuffin]

My head hurts from crying all day

[Kate*]

The only downside, besides the obvious, is that I'm going to get extremely bored.

And if you try to process it as a termination and deny me my
vacation time pay out, I WILL FIGHT YOU. Doing it for quitting without notice is one thing, but doing so by calling it something it wasn't is not okay and I DON'T have to be nice anymore!

[Mindfulness.]

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[Starseeker]

my life is such a huge pile of shit, I should never had been born

[Soda_Voxel]

oh my god i am so fucking useless ! ! ! i cant do the most basic things

[Everglow.]

I made a decision on my own and now it's backfired. Is it that I can't do anything right, or is it that other people can't just appreciate something simple. Who knows. Either way it's just topping everything all off for me right now.

[Soda_Voxel]

my violent thoughts are starting to scare me.

[Soda_Voxel]

why does fucking everything need a word for it why is everything so fucking complicated why am i left out of fucking everything oh my god im going to cry again

[Soda_Voxel]

I don't think I'm ever going to be successful. I'm going to watch all my friends grow and have careers and families while I stay the same stupid child I've always been, just in an older body, with no new skills or anything

[Kate*]

Covid test was negative, but whatever this is is miserable right now

Edit: 2 days later and mom and I are both positive. Ugh.

Well, a job is a job. Even at a major pay cut. it's better than nothing.

[Kate*]

I really hope he isn't, but you're making it sound like he's fucking dying, or that you'll have to retire him months after getting him. How does no one catch these things?!

My back is hurting from sitting in that chair.

I think I blew an opportunity because I'm a doofus.

[Everglow.]

I am upset actually but there's not much point saying that. You made me feel like shit in front of everyone and now I'm really self conscious, and today I feel like I'm on the outside of everything and slowly losing all of my friends. Might seem small to you but it't not to me.

[Soda_Voxel]

everything always goes wrong something always ruins my potential happiness theres no point in anything ill just lay in bed all day and sleep and do nothing and talk to no one i give up i give up i give up i give up

[Kate*]

I'm starting to want to go back because the money and benefits were unmatched. But, you had to ruin it for me for no fucking reason. Now, I'm hoping for a job with a massive pay cut and expecting not to get it.

I won't mind a rejection aside from I thought it went really well. But, if I don't hear back because of some glitch in the "new system" bullshit, then I'll be mad.

Now, if I could just get a well-paying job deserved by someone with my experience and skills, I'll be happy.

[Mindfulness.]

There's always something to do...

[Mindfulness.]

This is just too much.

[Soda_Voxel]

You're everything I am but better. I should just fucking die. You do everything I can but better and more. There is no point in my existence with you here

[Kate*]

It would literally take a miracle, so the chances are less than zero, but there's a tiny part of me that believes in karma and poetic justice, holding out hope.

And it sucks that the next closest store is 45 minutes away, or I could apply to have my old job back with the same company and a better manager. I applied and I'm going to ask if they'd be willing, given the situation, if they hire me, to process it as a transfer so I can keep my 5 yeas and all my benefits.

[Starseeker]

i can't believe i'm sick AGAIN

[Everglow.]

It's SO HOT

[Mindfulness.]

The last week went too quickly.

[Kate*]

There might've been a "better" way to do it, but I still have no regrets. Because the thought of doing it the "right" way literally made me sick BEFORE the last time she screwed me. Now if that means I'm a permanent non-rehire, that's fine, I'll live with that. But if they're bashing me, that's so wrong it's illegal. I'm suspicious she's continuing to fuck with me.

I will 100% accept the consequences of quitting without notice; it was absolutely worth it. But if you're now blackballing one of your best employees, ONLY for that decision which was made in RESPONSE to your bullshit behavior. That's not only fucked up, but it's illegal too.

[Kate*]

I'm beyond blacklisted. What the fuck are you telling people?! At this rate, I'm never going to work again.

[Mindfulness.]

I don't know how much more strength I have in me...

[Kate*]

I don't know if this would be worth it, it's A LOT but the only other interview I have is too far away, unless they offer me A LOT of money and amazing benefits.

[Mindfulness.]

I really hate the fact that I couldn't do more...

[Kate*]

This one isn't my fault. I've applied to several, so they all run together and this is the ONLY one that even mentions it. Plus, I had ghosted them expecting an interview for a better fit to go well and assumed they were no longer interested.

[Soda_Voxel]

I WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR YOU AND IT FUCKING KILLS ME

[Mindfulness.]

I know have no me time anymore.

[Kate*]

Even if I had put in notice, not going in, or calling them off would've still left me in poor standing with a bad review.

I am not okay and I do and don't know why. I miss what I had (and him) and I feel like I'll never have anything again because of the way that ended.
But then I remember, it's only been a month.

[Mindfulness.]

I really hope it gets easier.

[Kate*]

I'm not crushed that I bombed that, but this is harder than I thought. At least I can take a break for a couple weeks.

[Everglow.]

Feels like my fuse is pretty short tonight. I'm a stupid clumsy failure and I don't want to be told it's fine. I want somebody to say the truth and just agree with me.

[Everglow.]

I don't want to admit to you that the real reason all of this is such a problem is because I'll be constantly aware of my body and how disgusting and fat it is that I literally won't get a minutes sleep if I have to spend the night that close to another human. I will just be awake hating every single part of myself. Just let me say what I am and am not okay with and stop making it such an issue.

[Mindfulness.]

I just feel so defeated.

[Kate*]

I'm not going to call and nag people. If they want me, they'll let me know, if they don't they don't, and if they can't, then I wouldn't want to work for them anyway.

I know its worse for you, but let mme be selfishfora second.
You're not supposed to be here, and you bought that food for ME