Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

I lost more weight. I understand I need to gain, and I thought that I was in a good enough mental place to start gaining but eating enough to maintain is difficult enough, how am I supposed to eat enough to gain?

I am frustrated. I feel like I am just waiting to be rejected over and over again. Sitting here trying to be hopeful and I am probably already rejected

My original plans for lunch exploded (literally) so I bought soup from the bookstore (which the manager actually ordered for me (perks of a small university?) but now it’s heated up and in front of me but I can’t do it. I can’t eat it. I want to throw it away and run back to the library. But I need to stay in the student center and eat this. I have to. I need to at least attempt to keep myself alive. If I want the blood work to come back saying that I’m allowed to run, I have to eat.

why is it so hard just to keep myself alive?

[Silvan]

being a girl who plays video games fucking sucks
no girls who play get loads of friends just because they're females
they get loads of hate and threats just because they're females

I ate a ‘normal’ amount of food and I panicked so I purged. But I stopped halfway through my purge and just sat on the floor of the shower and evaluated my life. There has never been a moment that I’ve been so torn about this disorder. It wants me to die, I want to live. It feels like the only way to live is to do what the disorder tells me to do, but I know that will only kill me. I never wanted this. I just want to be healthy and okay.

[MWF]

I feel like everybody I know who is in a relationship takes it for granted. Meanwhile, I truly believe that there's an over 50% probability that I'll die alone.

[Fanatic]

I'm so fucking frustrated. Why the heck am I like this? Why am I so fucking useless and unmotivated to be responsible or do anything productive? What is wrong with me..?

I'm anxious.
Feel terrible.
Already know how it's gonna end.

That's encouraging.
I'm waiting for a rejection
They are probably giving the job to another person and I'm the second or third candidate.
I have to wait till next week to message and ask but I'm just so damn tired.
Waiting waiting waiting to hear 'we regre to inform you...' since they always send something.

[Celyn]

PMS sucks.

Guess I needed a dose of reality anyway. Otherwise I'll just be daydreaming my life away. Sucks that daydreams can't be real.

I am not okay.
I just want to know what is going on!

[Kate*]

Appreciate the sleep, but I lost my whole day off to sleep and laundry. And something is wrong with the scheduler which means it just scared me to death!

I applied and I have proof, so why do you have no record of it? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! And I just realized we put an asset in my name when it should be in hers. Do I know how to fix it, no,
and will that affect my eligibility, probably! FUCK

You have 3 weeks to do your FUCKING jobs before I have to cancel things!

[nothereanymore]

How dare you put your familial relationship with your son over the fact that he violated your daughters. How could you stil love him?

I talk to much
I deserve to be dead
I can't breath
I failed

The fact that I talk so much and people notice makes me insecure.

The fact that I talk too much but never talk about emotions is upsetting as well.

Not sure why talking too much triggers me like this

[Kate*]

I don't like the fact that I'm giving up my entire paycheck, but at least the amounts will eventually go down and I'm actually paying this off. It's not like I was going to spend it on anything else.

I spent the entire Christmas season wishing for Christmas to be over so the food would all go away. I wouldn’t say I’m in a good place with food right now, but it’s better than it was for the entire month of December. I regret spending so much time wishing away my favorite time of the year.

I feel like I need to isolate.
I feel like everyone is talking about me
I need an excuse to isolate and can't think of one.

[nothereanymore]

Tired of living. Too much pain.

I am feeling really angry.
No one would care if I were gone.
Not really appreciated anywhere

[Kate*]

I have had more than ENOUGH of you people. I'm dealing with a human being and you WILL tell me what the fuck is going on and then fix it. I am capable of going ape shit, let's hope I don't have to. 30-45 more days before we might have coverage again, are you serious?! I guess we're paying out of pocket for meds again, and cancelling that appointment.
Fuck

I'm so tired of not knowing. Two weeks and then I can place a call.

[Everglow.]

I'm so tired. And I hate myself more and more every day.

I'm feeling done with everything
I'm not a good person
I'm not appreciated
I allow people to walk all over me
I'm a God damn doormat

I just want getting dressed to be an easy experience. No more panicking.

I just want my anxiety to go away

[nothereanymore]

I’m tired of feeling like I’m in the wrong for getting annoyed with you. I don’t want to apologize for being annoyed.

[London_grace]

What's happening today?

[nothereanymore]

LEAVE. ME. A L O N E.

I wish I could just disappear. I wish I were important.

[nothereanymore]

Yes, you’re right. It’s not fair that people ask you to change your behavior when you don’t ask the same of them. You’re totally not in the wrong for screaming at your husband like he’s an idiot and a burden and making your life worse and somehow beneath you. You’re not the only person who talks to other people like that. Nope. Not at all. Noooot at alllll. How DAAAARE we ask you to change that behavior. Fucking bitch.

I don't feel good and I'm foggy

[MWF]

I have no interests, no passions, and no desire to do anything at all. I never did. I don't know what to do...

[Kate*]

I know you're desperate to go, and I hate that that is the main thing holding me back, but it's bad enough when it happens here and it's happened in another state, so I would be doomed and I'm terrified of it happening.

I hope I am not having one of those weird allergic reactions

[Silvan]

I hate the fact that I'm not meeting people because I want. I do it because 'you don't want to be left out your new class do you'

[Tigereyes]

I can't fucking do this anymore, but no one will listen, and I see no way out. I need this pain to stop. The suicidal thoughts were getting better, but they're coming back because this is too much and I have to deal with it alone and there's no way out.

You are such a selfish fucking person and I wish you'd just get the fuck out of my life.

I fucked up. I’m sorry.

My heart hurts