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Location: out of my mind...It's dark and scary in there!
Posts: 12
Points: 11,400, Level: 15
Join Date: January 9th 2009
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 20th 2009, 03:04 PM
Sometimes I wish my boyfriend was more comfortable with the fact that I'm pansexual...I wish he'd see that he's not going to lose me to a girl, but that I just want to play...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 22nd 2009, 04:52 PM
sometimes I hate my friends for being so naive. I wish to be like them. I am afraid to lose them when my welcome in their world runs out, when they notice that I am so different from everything they fight for. I need them to see the beauty of the world.
No one knows that the darkness inside of me is still there, waiting to consume me.
I'm bisexual. No one really knows. I've always known, I guess, but I don't want it to be true.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 25th 2009, 11:19 PM
i wanna cut and just be completely out... for the most part.. =/
"Others say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just say Crud, there isn't... I'm stuck in this stupid revolving door..." -Me
PM me anytime you want to talk about anything.And I mean ANYTHING AT ALL!
Formerly achava_elah_18
Been in love since May 2008
Fellow SI,Autism-Spectrum,Depression,Anxiety,Musical,Trichotilloman ia Person. Basically, I'm ME!
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 29th 2009, 08:54 PM
I'm jealous of people who are able to go out and have a good time, in fact I hate them for being able to do that, but that's only on the surface; fact is, I hate myself more than anyone. I try and try to change it, by getting out of my comfort zone but each time, I keep getting shot down. Some days, I just want to hurt myself wheather that would be in the form of hitting myself, bottling it up, or most of the time, cutting. I just wish so badly for people to like me, but I always seem to feel alone no matter what.
---------------
"You never give into the pain, you just adjust to it!"--unknown
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 31st 2009, 05:09 AM
Hahaha the irony. You hurt me. I like you. I've liked you since I met you but you don't care. You're into someone else. Fine. I want to say I don't care, but oh, I do. And now I kind of hate you. It's the only way I can stop feeling so hurt and jealous. What would you do if you knew...? Would you hate me? =[
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 3rd 2009, 07:52 PM
I hate everything about myself. I spend my day laughing and having fun but when I go home I write out my suicide plans and wait for the right time for me to end this life. I feel like if I died this second ppl would come to my fureneral and laugh. I dont play on living past 16.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 4th 2009, 02:44 PM
My ex has gone off the rails since we broke up. Last time that happened he came back telling me how he loved me and he'd made the biggest mistake and was nothing without me. He friends told me that they think he'll do it again soon. I told them I didn't know if I'd take him back. In my heart I know I'd take him back in a heartbeat. Not because I love him, but because he's the only person who's ever loved me.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 4th 2009, 11:38 PM
No matter how my life turns out I know i'll end up killing myself regardless. I wasnt supposed to be born, that was an error. It's in my genetic make-up to be fucked in the head.
...I keep planning on how i'm going to steal the drugs from work to do it with. Not over-the-counter stuff. This is the stuff people commit murder to get their hands on.
I know it'll kill me if I do it right.
I feel terrible for thinking like this, but it's going to happen...sooner or later.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 6th 2009, 07:36 PM
I pretend to be in the shower so I don't need to answer the phone.
I've never stopped loving you, it hurts to see you.
You hurt me immeasurably. When you did that, you destroyed me completely. You were the first and only boy I've ever cried over.
The only reason I didn't OD is because you would find me.
I've eaten so little that I've been bringing up stomach acid.
I feel sorry for you but at the same time I hate you for bringing me into it.
I dreamt you died and I felt nothing.
The thing I fear most is death but I'm obsessed with it.
I've become a hypochondriac because I have a deep desire to be rally ill and in hospital so that people would visit me and I'd know they care.But I'm terrified no one would visit.
I like you, but you're not him. No one ever will be.
I can't let anyone get close, I don't deserve to be happy, no one could ever really love me.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 13th 2009, 06:32 PM
i might be pregnant. and I can't tell anyone, because i'm worried they'll be mad at me.
Life isn't about worrying,
That's a waste of time.
And life isn't about being perfect,
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself,
And finding people who accept that person.
.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 15th 2009, 01:21 AM
you dont know wat love is
if you loved D, you wouldnt have called him when you were trying to kill yourself
if you loved your mother, you wouldnt scare her so much that in her sleep she says "dont leave me"
if you loved your sister, you would act better so she wouldnt be this way
and if you loved me, you wouldnt pull your hair out in the bathroom while visiting me at school... and then you wouldnt lie to me about your cuts
you messed me up... do you know?
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
June 17th 2009, 05:38 PM
My dirty little secret is that I get scared when I'm debating with people because I won't be able to say the correct thing. And after the debate I get so scared that I just feel like not returning to that place or seeing the person again.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
July 3rd 2009, 08:26 PM
There is an Evil being in Me. I used to wish he was dead. Because of that I no longer Love myself at all for that is no feeling I should have. And now I beat my self up to try and live up to the pain I feel.
I'm still alive.
Must have been a miracle
It's been one hell of a ride
Destination still unkown
It's a fact of life: If you make one wrong move with a gun to your head
You better walk the line or you'll be left for dead.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
July 3rd 2009, 08:33 PM
I slept with my ex a few weeks ago. I don't love him, and he doesn't love me. One of his female friends doesn't want him seeing me in case he does fall for me again. I plan to continue seeing him. Firstly because he is the one person I can be truely comfortable with, and so we're amazingly good friends. Secondly because I hope he does fall for me again. She hated me before she met me and told him I was a bitch; if she wants to make us her business, I'd rather it be grounded rather than silly accusations.