Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!) As a guest you can submit help requests, create and reply to Forum posts, join our Chat Room and read our range of articles & resources. By registering you will be able to get fully involved in our community and enjoy features such as connect with members worldwide, add friends & send messages, express yourself through a Blog, find others with similar interests in Social Groups, post pictures and links, set up a profile and more! Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!
Games and Things Here you can find popular chit-chat threads like games and surveys.
Note: Posts made in this forum don't contribute towards your post count.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
April 22nd 2010, 11:48 PM
I felt comfortable during our walk, I never feel comfortable. I can't believe a guy like you is actually interested in me. We barely even spoke before last night but I wanted to lean in and kiss you before you left, I stoppped myself.
When all your friends have come and gone,
And the sun no longer shines,
And the happiness for which you long is washed away like an ocean's tide,
When all the hard times outweigh the good,
And all your words are misunderstood,
When the day seems lost from the start
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
April 28th 2010, 05:44 AM
I wish that I would waste away, like a dying swan. I want to be thin so badly, Im willing to die for perfection. I hate food, but I am obsessed with it. How it tastes, feels going down, chewing it throughly, taking a sip of drink after every bite, and wasting my time eating it because it comes back up any way. I need it and despise it, I fear and crave it. I dont control myself anymore, the food controls me.
Always Feel Free to Message Me... =)
We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box. ~Robert Fulghum
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 1st 2010, 05:09 AM
Nobody will ever truly understand how much you took from me. You may have been the guy to take my true virginity, and the guy who I fell in love with. You're also the guy who reminded me why there is no point in being happy if everything will just hurt again in the end.
But what nobody, even you, even a higher power, even my soon-to-be fiance...will never know...is just how damaged I will always be because you drained my heart of all excitement and want for life.
After you broke my heart, you continued to rub it in over and over, blaming me for your cheating, for your fears that I always comforted.
You stole my soul and left me with an empty heart. I barely feel excitement. I rarely feel confident in any relationship.
I listen to you now, whining about how lonely you are...how sad you are you let me go.
But the saddest part about all of this...is that it was never ME you wanted, just SOMEone...anyone. I wasted my soul and very being on someone who didn't care for ME...
I'm living for my family and boyfriend. Will a child give me more reason? Or...or will I just not feel toward it either?
...I'm going to cut even though I've been free for months now...and I've been starving myself...not exactly on purpose...but its the only damn thing I can control anymore yet I know it's controlling ME...there's no way to win...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 1st 2010, 05:15 AM
I'm sorry but I don't love you. You're not the one for me.
Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 1st 2010, 05:30 AM
youll never know; but i hate you. but ill always be here for you
i wish i could jsut sit down and cry my heart out, and then when i got up my problems will all go away
i'm scared of being an average person
i'm scared that if i kill myself, that people will care and the said people will somehow change because of me. that's why i stay. that why i won't kill myself, i'm scared of the ripples it may or may not cause. but still i will always have that thought.
" One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. "
i wonder when i'll finally jsut start accepting myself, when i'll stop saying i wish i could be like that person.
i have facebook, and myspace. and you can ask for it. :P
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 1st 2010, 08:20 AM
i'm embrassed and ashamed of what we did. but knowing you were really drunk, too, makes me feel a bit better. i can at least pretend that you didn't mean for it to happen and that i wasn't an intentional "one night stand"
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 2nd 2010, 06:49 PM
I met your ex. We have a scary amount of things in common. And much as she's really nice and cool, she's also WAY prettier than me. I don't care if you broke up ages ago, or that she's been with her boyfriend for over a year, I still envy that she's prettier :S
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 2nd 2010, 07:08 PM
I thought you were the biggest dickhead when we first started talking, but the first time we slept together, things completely changed, you spoke about relationships, i freaked out, and said i just wanted things to be simple, but now our roles have reversed, and it really annoys me. When i slept with the other guy i didn't expect to feel THIS guilty. i just wish you would open up to meeeee.
I relapsed after 15 months the other day but im not even bothered by it =z
Lauren
"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
"But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though I’ve been in dark places, I’ve survived and learned and become stronger".
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 12th 2010, 11:15 AM
Im ashamed that I am unable to perform 'under the sheets'.
I wake up every morning regretting my life and existence.
I wish I knew what having parents really meant. Sadly I won't know in time probably, as I will be a parent someday in the near future.
I hate relationships... a lot... I regret the past relationships I've had. Honestly... I hate romance... although I'm addicted to it in literature and TV.
I hate my 'other self'.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 17th 2010, 08:47 PM
Sometimes I keep quiet to avoid awkward moments. Unfortunately, those are the moments I need you the most. You'll never know unless I tell you. I'm going to try.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 17th 2010, 10:43 PM
i hate the word rape. and even thouhg people ahjve tolkd me thats what it is.. i will never blieeve its not my fault. im also an alcoholic. and i know it
Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
let the dream begin let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 19th 2010, 12:20 AM
I LOVE you, more then anything, more then words could ever explain, your amazing, you've made my life since I've known you easier, and I feel terrible that despite all that I'm still planning to leave you alone, without me, I only lasted this long because of you, and I wish every day that I could keep it going that way, but you cant take away my pain, people say, 'it's been such a long time' but to be honest, it actually hasnt. Everyone wants to know why I dont go and see my family, because whilst I'm down there I mostly bump into him and he hurts me, again and again..
I never told, due to the agreement I made with him. Wrong I know, but he promised never to touch my sisters if I didnt tell, I dont have the heart to risk them in such a way, he can continue ruining my life but I wont let him have theres.
But I still want to die, I have everything I need, I just hope its all enough, I'm sorry, I dont expect to be forgiven, but I'd like it if I could be.
Despite us falling out for a while, things are great, I'll be honest, when we first became friends again I wasnt sure if I'd ever trust you again, but it all feels amazing, just like you never left my life.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 21st 2010, 08:28 AM
I sleep with a rag elephant. It helps me when I wake up during the night because of my nightmares, I can hold her tight and think I'm not really alone.
"There are invisible suicides. You stay alive for pure diplomacy, you drink, you eat, you walk. The others always fall into the trick, but we know, with an inner laugh, that they're wrong, that we are dead."
"Remember...whatever...it seems like forever ago.."
I still hope. My hope is a frail, pale, sweet creature, and is slowly dying. Hanging by a thread. Just like me, after all.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 24th 2010, 12:06 AM
I hate my friends' boyfriends and my friends know that I don't....
"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 26th 2010, 09:25 PM
i to end it all daily. I hate my life. I SI and relapsed out of 7 or 8 months of not... I havent told anyone excpet Em and Kay. Im so screwed up and not getting better all its kinda scary but no one cares anyways
"Others say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just say Crud, there isn't... I'm stuck in this stupid revolving door..." -Me
PM me anytime you want to talk about anything.And I mean ANYTHING AT ALL!
Formerly achava_elah_18
Been in love since May 2008
Fellow SI,Autism-Spectrum,Depression,Anxiety,Musical,Trichotilloman ia Person. Basically, I'm ME!
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 27th 2010, 02:36 AM
I hate you so much. And every day my anger and hate grows more and more. You don't even fucking see what you are doing to me and that is what kills me the most. The funny thing, no matter how many times I tell myself I will be okay I don't know if I believe it because I keep letting you disappoint me. Why do I do it?
I think getting a job and getting my own life would be the best thing but I am scared shitless.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
May 27th 2010, 02:42 AM
I still love you to pieces and you still have my heart, dont drop that shit, it WILL break, I still have your heart too see, it's right here next to mine, we were ment to be together like this, it was destiny that has us meet and I love you lots.