Triggering (Suicide): Pandora

[NeuroBeautiful]

That awkward moment when you cry from your own writing





I'm a cancer-causing agent
You said so yourself
At any given moment,
I can make you have
cancer, ulcer, heart attacks
I'm sorry for being the root of all disease
I'm sorry for being born

I caused my sister to get PTSD
She said so herself,
I traumatize the family
And if she went away for college,
She wouldn't miss me

When I asked her months later
She said she never said it
But I remember it, and
I see her following my footsteps
I am a bad influence

At any given moment
She will skin pick
She will eat compulsively
She will procrastinate
She learned these from me
I failed to contain it
I'm sorry for being the root of all destruction
I'm sorry for not being a good role model
I'm sorry for being born

I'm a handful to be around
You can't stand me being here
You want me to disappear
But you don't want me hiding, or
Wasting time crying, I
Should be holding up,
tending to everyone else
Minimizing the burden I am
As much as I can

I'm sorry for being the root of all suffering
I'm sorry for spilling out
I'm sorry for needing help, and
For not feeling up to always helping out

Skin picking long term can lead to cancer
He said so himself
I secretly hope I get cancer,
instead of someone else
But in the end
cancer isn't what will kill me
I'd refuse help
That's the punishment
I deserve to have

Because,
I'm sorry for being born
I'm sorry for causing pain
I feel so much guilt and shame
I cannot bear to live one more day

[better-than-ecstasy]

First of all, I hope everything is okay and if you need to talk to me, feel free to message me. But also this poem has a lot of meaning and each time I read more and more poems of yours, I look at things from a different perspective. In this piece I see more hurt being added on to a problem that already has enough weight itself. So now there's an overload of emotion. As much as we need pain to know there is something wrong, there is always that fine line of too much. But not only that, but we just assign blame and point fingers. We recognize pain and notice something or many things are wrong, but instead of taking caring of it properly, we take our true colors and paint them on our victims, so then we give them the unwanted attention, oh look at how this person is being presented, and its just so much easier to point fingers that way.
So this piece is definitely making me think of my thought process and how I handle being the victim, but how I also handle being the predator. So thank you very much for sharing.

None of these things are true. You deserve love and kindness from those around you and I am sorry they have not shown that to you.

[Ennui.]

You truly are amazing and deserve the best. Truly. <3