Female Advice Preferred: My stepdad has been oversexualizing me and defeminising me ever since i hit puberty and it's making me really uncomfortable

[hsmith.009]

Ok im gna keep this short bc theres probably more interesting things on here u'd rather be reading but basically my stepdad who ive lived with since i was abt 2/3 (im 13 now btw) ever since i started my period, every time i try to talk to him abt it or even just say something like "can i pls go to the toilet and change pad/tampon" he's like "ew gross dont talk to me abt it go to ur mom" and like ik most middle aged men were raised in a time when periods was taboo and not talked abt but like its a natural body function for a female and i lit can't help it- and like it makes me not want to be a girl anymore bc he thinks periods r so disgusting it makes me feel disgusting and feel like its my fault for being the gender i was born as. I even thought abt being trans to make him stop treating me like that.. also he's got this big thing abt being scared of me getting rp3d irl or groomed online, he thinks just bc i'm autistic idk how to defend myself from pedos, but thats actually not true bc ive probably had the most experience with pedos online- like its literally as easy as pressing one button that blocks them and then u dont have to worry bc they cant get on ur acc again and i'm massively desensitized to stuff like that so it rlly doesnt bother me that much anyway. But whenever im at home with him, mainly when its just us 2, he always plays these wierd vids on yt of ppl interviewing pedos and stuff like that and its like he always plays them on full volume right outside my bedroom door on purpose so i can hear, and that also makes me rlly uncomfortable aswell idk what i can do abt it, idk if i should talk to my mom or what?? Bc its a rlly awkward situation hes putting me in rn.. also theres one other thing whenever i spend longer in the toilet (most of the time its bc im crying tbh but he doesnt need to know that) he accuses me of m@5tvrb4t1g in the toilet- like 1.) Who even does that anyway its disgusting 2.) Thats not even the reason why i'm taking long 3.) id rather do it in bed at night when nobody can hear anyway bc am not an exibitionist like its not like id want my family to know i was doing that, and 4.) Why would that even be the first thing he accused me of, like i get it im a teenager and im a girl, but like not all teens r horny 24/7 like it just feels like he's oversexualising me way too much and making assumptions and getting the wrong idea abt me.. also idk how to talk to my mom or stepdad abt this without making it super uncomfortable and awkward between us like hes just put me in a rlly horrible situation

[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through!

As far as your period goes, know that it is a normal bodily function that you, of course, can't help! It's unfortunately a part of life and not everyone is mature about it. Your stepdad seems to be one of those people. Not all guys are like that, but I can understand it being frustrating that your stepdad is!

Your stepdad may watch those videos and talk to you about online predators because he is concerned about your safety and that's his way of expressing it. Really he should have a mature one-on-one with you to get your side of things as well.

I'd talk to your mom about the videos and the comments that your stepdad is making about your masturbating when you take too long in the bathroom. I'd pull her aside on a day when she is in a pretty good mood and ask her if you can talk to her without judgment. Then use "I statements" to express what you want to say. For example, "I feel embarrassed when my stepdad makes comments about masturbation/watches videos like that/shames your period." Explain the things that are being done and how they make you feel. Using "I statements" like I described makes people less defensive. I know it may feel awkward, but those comments aren't okay!

Another option you have is to write your mom a letter or email about what is going on. That way, you can get everything out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. You can then leave the letter where your mom will find it or hand it to her directly. At least with this option you know that you'll have said everything you need to before anyone has the chance to respond.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm so sorry about all of this and I hope that you will be okay soon. You did a lovely job finding Teenhelp and coming on for help. If you ever wanted to join Teenhelp, you are more than welcome to. You would be able to make a lot of friends and talk about everything that you are going through.

What Dez is saying is so true. You will find guys who are very nice and this and will go to the grocery stores and buy them for the daughter's and wife's. I'm so sorry that your step father is like this with you. Getting your period is normal.Try to always be honest with your mother and let her know how what he is saying to you is upsetting you and that you would like him to stop. I wish you the best talking to your mother and hope that she can help him so he stops acting like this.

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Originally Posted by hsmith.009

Ok im gna keep this short bc theres probably more interesting things on here u'd rather be reading but basically my stepdad who ive lived with since i was abt 2/3 (im 13 now btw) ever since i started my period, every time i try to talk to him abt it or even just say something like "can i pls go to the toilet and change pad/tampon" he's like "ew gross dont talk to me abt it go to ur mom" and like ik most middle aged men were raised in a time when periods was taboo and not talked abt but like its a natural body function for a female and i lit can't help it- and like it makes me not want to be a girl anymore bc he thinks periods r so disgusting it makes me feel disgusting and feel like its my fault for being the gender i was born as. I even thought abt being trans to make him stop treating me like that.. also he's got this big thing abt being scared of me getting rp3d irl or groomed online, he thinks just bc i'm autistic idk how to defend myself from pedos, but thats actually not true bc ive probably had the most experience with pedos online- like its literally as easy as pressing one button that blocks them and then u dont have to worry bc they cant get on ur acc again and i'm massively desensitized to stuff like that so it rlly doesnt bother me that much anyway. But whenever im at home with him, mainly when its just us 2, he always plays these wierd vids on yt of ppl interviewing pedos and stuff like that and its like he always plays them on full volume right outside my bedroom door on purpose so i can hear, and that also makes me rlly uncomfortable aswell idk what i can do abt it, idk if i should talk to my mom or what?? Bc its a rlly awkward situation hes putting me in rn.. also theres one other thing whenever i spend longer in the toilet (most of the time its bc im crying tbh but he doesnt need to know that) he accuses me of m@5tvrb4t1g in the toilet- like 1.) Who even does that anyway its disgusting 2.) Thats not even the reason why i'm taking long 3.) id rather do it in bed at night when nobody can hear anyway bc am not an exibitionist like its not like id want my family to know i was doing that, and 4.) Why would that even be the first thing he accused me of, like i get it im a teenager and im a girl, but like not all teens r horny 24/7 like it just feels like he's oversexualising me way too much and making assumptions and getting the wrong idea abt me.. also idk how to talk to my mom or stepdad abt this without making it super uncomfortable and awkward between us like hes just put me in a rlly horrible situation

This is NOT OK! I’ll start with the m@5tvrb4t1g part. I find it highly inappropriate to say nothing of the fact, quite creepy for him to make such inappropriate comments. The very fact he does this outside of the presence of your mom speaks volumes and is rather alarming to me.

Why is this "can i pls go to the toilet and change pad/tampon" even a question to pose to your stepdad? Do you normally have to ask to go to the toilet? This crosses the lines of privacy (not to be confused with secrecy). If you need to go take care of business, you should feel free to do so unimpeded and without unnecessary intrusion. I also find it rather alarming that he does this predominantly when it’s only the two of you.

Do try to talk to your mom. If that doesn’t help, then try a counselor at school. They have resources available to help you. I assure you that you are the first, and won’t be the last, to have to endure this type of inappropriate adult behavior. If that doesn’t work, then I will point you to resources that will definitely get his attention.

You’re only 13. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to set boundaries. Set them. If this continues to be a problem, do not hesitate to find and get a trusted adult involved to help you.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[AmyHannen09]

My mums bf is the same! Im 13 and hes proper weird about some stuff, like when me and mum talk about school or something hes fine but if we talk about my period or solething like that he freaks out and leaves the room. But if mum isnt home he always asks about it and other stuff like last night when mum was at work we talked about boys and who i like and that but never when mums around. He comes talk to me when im in bed or the bath as well but only when mums at work, i dont get it... i like talking to him but hes a differant person with or without mum