I'm pregnant and lost...

[dejaentendu0]

Yesterday, I went to a doctor because I was having stomach/abdominal pain that was really hurting me a night. The appointment ended with her pulling me out of my room and informing me that I am pregnant.

My parents aren't aware yet. I figure I have to tell my mother soon, but I'm I honest to god TERRIFIED of this. I can't change the situation I'm in and I know that, but I've seen my parents reaction to pregnancy at an early age before with my sisters. And we have a lot of other problems going on right now, so I feel like I'm just adding to it... Especially since my mother joked about me being pregnant and how that would be the WORST thing that could happen to us. It was said at a bad time, I guess, because here I am.

So far, the only people that know are my two best friends and my (currently) ex-boyfriend who is the father. Once I tell my mother, that's all I'm keeping it at as I'm young and I don't care for everyone to be talking about me... The father found out without me actually there to tell him, so I don't exactly know his feelings on this yet. But I'm seeing him on Tuesday to discuss this.

I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow to see how far along I actually am. I've been on Yaz for quite awhile, so this is a surprise to me and him and I don't know when I conceived since I took my birth control religiously at the same time every day.

I have a lot to think about though. There's keeping the baby... Which means I end up with him/her and not leave empty handed - which I think will break my heart. However I'm 16 and he's only 20. I currently have no job and his job isn't enough to care for a baby. There's doctors appointments and cribs and diapers, etc... That's expensive. And at the end of the day, me and the father are currently not together, so I'll be a single mother. So I'm thinking that's not an option for me.

And then there's abortion. I don't have to carry my baby for nine months and I hear it's relatively quick to do. On top of that, the place where I'm going to get my ultrasound tomorrow (they're very stern on trying to convince you to keep your baby) offers free post-abortion support and therapy - which I think would be nice to take to accept what happened. However, I'd first need to find out how far along I am. The only abortion form I'm okay with is the pill abortion. Which you can do up to nine weeks. I'd also have to see if I CAN take it, as I'm extremely sensitive to hormones. There's also a problem that it costs money... I have no job and no income. My friend says hers was $100-$150 and I'm pretty sure she'll help me pay for it, but still... money is an issue.

And then there's adoption. Carrying the baby for nine months. Going into labor. Going through all that pain. And leaving empty handed. That's a downside. I'd also always worry that my baby isn't being taken care of properly or I picked the wrong home - I'd be so picky about it and then still worry about it after I chose a family. But I'm pretty sure the adoptive family pays for the medical expenses? Or maybe that's just what I heard. My biggest problem with this will just be letting my baby go. I'm not sure I could do it..

But I'm lacking in support and my mind is going crazy. I never thought I'd be in this situation at the age of 16. I was on birth control to prevent this, but I'm pregnant and I can't go back... I can only go forward.
I just need support and advice.
I'm lost. I have no clue what to do. I feel like I'm doing this myself.

[Beth.]

Don't let yourself think your lost, you have at least thought about all options thus far. And thought about them maturally by all means. Don't worry about your families problems, and how they will all react. There are going to be people who try and force options on you, all you have to remember is that in the end it is your decision. Go with your heart and don't turn back. This is only the second day you've known. Try and relax as much as you can for now. You have at least nine weeks to decide.

[Pour the Teapot]

Don't worry, we are here for you at teenhelp. It sounds to me that the best option for you would be abortion or adoption. It really depends on what you feel would be best for you in the long run. If you get an abortion you'll never get to know your baby, but you could continue with your life as normal. If you got an adoption you could choose the family, and the terms, so that if you wanted to, you would get pictures and updates and maybe even get to visit the baby. No one can make this choice but you, but we are all here for you.

[MisplacedDreamer]

The fact that you said the place is pretty stern about trying to convince you to keep the baby is a warning sign. They may use scare tactics, may not have the proper healthcare staff doing the readings or using the equipment, or may lie to you to convince you to keep your baby. At least that was my experience when they flat out told me I was pregnant even though I knew I wasn't. (Yeah, shame on me trying to trick them.)

The most important thing is to figure out how far along you are. Depending on how much your household makes, you may qualify for for some aid. I know in the US, after you get child support set up, you can usually get WIC and sometimes food stamps depending on how much your household makes. If you are kicked out of your house because you decide to keep it, some cities have set up group homes for teenagers with young children to help them graduate high school.

Another thing you can do is look at other clinics too. I would recommend seeing if you can find a Planned Parenthood if you are in the states. If you want to keep the baby or if you want to have an abortion, they will provide unbiased advise to you. They also have a sliding fee scale and may be able to recommend referrals for a low-cost abortion.

(Experience with the US adoptions) Adoptive parents may pay for medical expenses in some states, but they are not required to and usually that is negotiated with their lawyer through private adoptions. If it is through the state, then they usually don't but I think the state will cover some if you are putting the child up for adoption. The state will not allow you to choose the family usually, that would be a private adoption.

What country are you in? It may help to give advice.

[dejaentendu0]

The fact that you said the place is pretty stern about trying to convince you to keep the baby is a warning sign. They may use scare tactics, may not have the proper healthcare staff doing the readings or using the equipment, or may lie to you to convince you to keep your baby. At least that was my experience when they flat out told me I was pregnant even though I knew I wasn't. (Yeah, shame on me trying to trick them.)

It doesn't seem that great to me either. But I want to find out how far along I am as soon as I can so I can see where I'm at and get a better feel of my options. The place came to talk to my school about sexual health this year and they do free ultrasounds (a HUGE plus since I am currently jobless) and they're just down the street from me (another huge plus). I do plan on going down to Planned Parenthood this week with my friend that had an abortion in the past for support while I talk about options. I'm pretty sure they'll do an ultrasound as well and I trust them to be honest.

The most important thing is to figure out how far along you are. Depending on how much your household makes, you may qualify for for some aid. I know in the US, after you get child support set up, you can usually get WIC and sometimes food stamps depending on how much your household makes. If you are kicked out of your house because you decide to keep it, some cities have set up group homes for teenagers with young children to help them graduate high school.

Although I'm almost certain I'm not keeping the baby, due to my age and how unstable things will be, I'm fairly certain I would qualify for WIC and food stamps, as both my sisters had babies at a young age and both got them due to our money issues. I guess those would help if I DID decide to go that route... I also know if I decide to keep it and get kicked out, the father's mother would not be happy about it, but she'd take me in. She talked to me about pregnancy and that she would if it ever happened. But, I would prefer not to do that. I feel it's a burden and although me and the father are talking and not fighting, I'd prefer not to live with him.
I looked into schooling though. I start back very soon and I'm a junior this year. I only have this year and the next and I'm done. According to a website, schools can decide whether you can go to their school or not if you're pregnant? If I decide to keep it or give it up for adoption, I definitely want to stay in school. It's not an option for me to not go. My school offers a night school/alternative education program though, so if I can't go back during the day, I'm fairly certain I can do that...

Also, I live in the US. Pennsylvania, to be more exact.