Female Advice Preferred: Troubled (trans)

[Snowy]

So, Recently ive been thinking about how i can live my life as a boy and came to a conclusion that i cannot be happy. So, Since i started a job last monday im going to use my frist paycheck to go see a therapist and get hormones. I am currently 18, and my mother isnt soo cool with it and tends to forget so i plan to do it without her knowing. Then telling her when its irreversible. Is my decsion a bad one? am i a bad person because i want to be happy?

any advice would be lovely,

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

It definitely isn't wrong of you to want to be happy. You deserve to transition if that is what you think will help you the most. Sometimes people definitely have to make tough decisions in order to be happy, and if you think seeing a therapist and getting hormones is what you need to do in life, by all means do it. So no, you certainly aren't a bad person for wanting to be happy, and you deserve to be happy.

The next part is my personal opinion, other people may have similar or different opinions:

My opinion is that if at all possible you should tell her at least slightly beforehand. She's eighteen so she can't stop you no matter what, but at least if you tell her earlier on she will have time to at least try to accept things rather than get hit by everything all at once. It may be at least somewhat easier on her to take, even if she isn't too thrilled with the idea.

But, do what is best for you. If you think telling her ahead of time would somehow prevent you from transitioning, for instance, or you really think doing it without her knowing it is for the best, you definitely can, but know that it may be a lot for her to handle at once. Maybe you can make a pros and cons list of telling her before you do it or telling her after to figure out what is best for you. Be prepared for any reaction whenever you do tell her.

If you think she'll react too poorly maybe have an alternate place to live, if needed. Or, if you think that you'd still be able to stay at home, tell her whenever.

My personal opinion though is that you should tell her beforehand so she at least has time to take things all in, but do whatever you feel is best.

I wish you luck!