Trans difficulties

[EssenceOfElixir]

This sort of covers a few things and I have to start somewhere so we'll go with the obvious first.
I'm trans, as is probably quite clear, and this is the first place where I've felt comfortable with actually having that information out on display. I do have people close to me that know but I wanted there to be a place where I could be completely open about it and not worry about who might find out so I guess this is kind of like coming out, in a sense. It feels that way anyway. I feel relatively safe putting this up on here and hopefully it'll make me more confident in the long run. So there's the first bit.

The second part sort of relates to the first, at least in terms of coming out. Like I said there are people I'm close to that know but there isn't anyone in my family that knows and I'm too scared to say anything about it since I have no idea what could happen and I can't rule out the possibility that I'll be kicked out of the house. So yeah, if anyone has any advice on how to handle it I would appreciate it. I mean, should I try just telling them or should I wait until I've moved out and maybe write my parents a letter or something? I don't really know what to do.

Okay, this is the bit that is weighing the most heavily on my mind. Even though I have several trusted friends who know about me being trans and even a friend who is also trans (he's FtM), I frequently get stuck in this bizarre quandary where I can't tell what gender I am since I try to identify as female but I've spent my entire life male. I've never been able to speak to anyone who has any experience of this kind of thing or who has any kind of extensive knowledge about the kinds of surgeries and operations that are related to MtF trans people. If anyone who reads this is in a similar situation or has any kind of knowledge that might be helpful I would very much like to talk you about it because I feel like the more I know the more I can come to terms with who I am and who I can some day be. Just a message or something would be greatly appreciated and I'm thankful for any help that can be given, of any kind.

Sorry for making this so long but now that it's off my chest I feel a bit lighter. Thank you for reading this, I'll sign it off now,
Esme V.

[Ennui.]

Hi there,

Congratulations about feeling so open with us that you were able to tell us all this! You should be proud!

As far as the part about coming out, the thing to consider first is whether or not you would be safe in your own home if you DO come out, or if at the very least you would have somewhere safe to go if you were to be kicked out. If you are unsure how your parents will react, maybe you can find a way to slip transgender issues into a conversation so you can get a feel for what they think without coming out. But if not, consider what your family is like, and if you think that it would be safe to come out, you can, but if you're thinking the probable outcome would get you kicked out or make you unsafe then it is okay to wait. And a letter is okay to come out with! They get everything out without nerves and interruptions, but they may still have questions or want to speak to you in person about it after that.

Does this bit of information posted by the Ohio University sort of explain some of your options on what it comes to surgery and hormone replacement therapy?

Maybe the person in your life who is FtM can also be a bit of support for you, because even if he hasn't had surgery yet, he can be someone who may be able to relate a bit.

Best of luck!

-Dez

[Lamia]

Hey Esme. Sorry it's taken me ten days to see this thread. I hope you've already found the help you need, but I'm here if you haven't.

First off, your troubles with how you identify. I can't speak for ALL people in your shoes, but for me personally, they're pretty normal. I can sometimes be the WORST at mentally misgendering myself. It doesn't invalidate what you feel, and doesn't make you any less female. Just give it time, your brain has been wired incorrectly to think of yourself as male. That'll start to fade in time, especially when you're "out" and female to everyone around you.

As for surgeries and operations, I'm going to PM you about that, as there are probably specific questions you have and I don't want to dump too much info on you all at once. I'll give some basic info here. There are three general types of surgery that people who are transgender choose to get. Breast augmentation surgery, Facial Feminization Surgery, and Sexual Reassignment Surgery. Of these, sexual reassignment is general considered "The Surgery" although the other two are common as well. Facial Feminization surgery will cost you the most money, and can have varying results, so it's best to research that thoroughly if you're considering it. (I haven't, as I am not considering it.)

There are a few other processes and procedures that most trans people go through. Hormone Replacement Therapy, Electrolysis or some other form of facial hair removal, and a trachea shave, which I didn't include in the major surgeries section because from what I've read, most people usually get it "added on" to a larger surgery, as it takes very little time. (I had it done separately and it took them a little over an hour.)

Hope this helps!

[Crazycatlady]

Hey,
I completely understand your fear of being kicked out of the house. One thing I emphasize about coming out is to wait until you're ready. If you don't emotionally feel ready, I don't feel that it is ever necessary to rush it since one thing to keep in mind about coming out is that you never just come out once. As an ace, I have to come out to everybody I meet due to people's straight-assumptive way of thinking.
Also, prior to coming out to your family, I would maybe come out to a friend who you trust/feel safe with and consider staying with that individual. I would also practice/rehearse what exactly to tell your parents and to come up with the exact conversation/how you are going to tell them.
If you need to, you can talk to me about this.