Gender questions

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi there lovely people, I am in need of help understanding my own gender identification...
I know this is something that only an individual can know for themselves but I'm just so damn confused that I figure I would come here for some advice and potentially some education, but here's the situation:

I am afab and considered myself cis all my life, though since I can remember have always drifted towards an almost completely androgynous style of dress/hair and mannerisms, have never once corrected someone on my pronouns (most of the time people assume he/his or they/them), and have even taken some sort of euphoria in people not being sure of my gender. It just makes me feel more comfortable. I thought this was completely normal and it has never struck me until recently the fact that I might be non-binary.

The only problem with this is that I can't say I experience much of what I understand dysphoria is supposed to feel like. I feel fine with being called female, I don't think I've ever experienced the deep discomfort that trans people talk about when they discuss dysphoria, I've always kinda felt "meh" about it. Sure there have been more than a couple of times where I've felt uncomfortable with my body, especially throughout puberty, but it wasn't an ever-present feeling of being in the "wrong body". At least I don't think I would have described it that way at the time. In any case, it was never so strong that I thought I needed to change something about it.

So I hope this question sounds less stupid with the context above: Is it possible to be transgender (non-binary specifically) without experiencing much dysphoria? Does the fact that I feel safer and more comfortable treated as a non-binary or masculine person indicate that's what I am?
Or better yet, is it even worth going through a social transition with those who know me as female if it's not causing me that much grief anyways?

I want to say too that I'm not trying to devalue the experiences of people who are non-binary and do struggle with really serious dysphoria by asking these questions, I respect what they've gone through and that's why I want to try and learn more before coming out and identifying any one way publicly. I'm just having a lot of trouble figuring out my own feelings and would love some help from people who have gone through their own gender journeys and might have some insight on the subject to help me figure out my own.

Thank you beautiful people so much! I wish you all a good day and thank you for reading through this long and probably very confusing post [/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

Wow, I can relate so hard! For me I don't care about what pronouns you call me, but I wish my body was neutral (such as no reproductive organs or beasts). Your feelings about this sound soooo much like me!

Like you mentioned, you're the only one who can know for yourself but for me it does sound like you can be nonbinary. I think the main thing is that you feel euphoria when treated as masculine/when people are unsure of your gender may be a sign, and that you even feel more comfortable with this.

As far as social transitioning, that's up to what you are the most comfortable with. If you want to, maybe you can try out specific pronouns with people you feel the most comfortable with to see if you think they fit you. It's okay to experiment!

Your experiences are valid and I don't think you are devaluing the experiences of other people. It's okay that you're not sure right now too! You don't have to rush things if you don't want to. Try to feel things out and see what makes you the happiest.

I hope this helped at least some! You are valid.

[Storyteller.]

Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at TeenHelp!

What you're describing is actually a reasonably common experience for transgender/nonbinary people, especially those who come out later in life (i.e. as adults rather than adolescents or teenagers). Some people just don't think too much about their gender identity, especially if they're in a situation where things like this aren't openly discussed or taught, so the trans (I'm using this as a blanket term to include all binary and nonbinary identities, although of course some nonbinary people don't also identify as transgender) experience can range from having always known to suddenly having an epiphany to having a slow realisation that maybe you're not the gender you were assigned at birth. Regardless of how you get to where you are, exploring your gender identity - and, if it feels right, putting a label on it - can be an exciting, affirming, and, yes, confusing journey.

The good news is that not experiencing dysphoria, especially in the sense that most people mean it, isn't actually a problem at all! Despite what many medical professionals and a lot of the general public think, the trans experience is not defined by suffering or even discomfort. You don't need to actively hate or feel miserable with your assigned gender in order to know that you're actually a different one - the same way you don't have to be in physical pain to know a piece of clothing isn't the right fit, or in mental anguish to know that you don't like the class you're taking. If you feel more comfortable identifying as a different gender, that's all it takes to not be cisgender. You can be happy with your body or unbothered when people perceive you as your assigned gender at birth (AGAB) without it making you any less trans.

Your questions definitely aren't stupid, and are things that a lot of trans people wonder at some point in their journey. You're not taking anything away from any dysphoric nonbinary people, or anyone else within the LGBTQ+ community by asking these questions or having these thoughts. It's completely okay to not be sure yet, and to take some time to figure things out. If you want to try a different set of pronouns, or a different name, or style of dress, or anything else - you're allowed to just do it. Doing so isn't a definite declaration of your gender identity, and it's not locking you into a label you'll have to use for life. You can try things out without committing yourself to them forever, and that can actually be a really good way to learn more about yourself and about what makes you feel good. You can always change again, or go back to your original name/pronouns/etc if you find the changes don't work for you.

As far as transitioning goes, whether or not it's worth it is a very personal decision. That said, I do want to stress that you shouldn't have to settle for not that much grief when you can aim for, as you put it, feeling safe and comfortable. You don't have to put up with being treated/perceived as your AGAB if it would make you happier to identify as another gender. The fact that you're apathetic about your AGAB and you mentioned feeling euphoric when people aren't sure of your gender suggests that it's entirely possible you might be nonbinary, although it's up to you as to whether you want to claim that label (whether temporarily or more long-term). Everyone's journey and experience of gender is different, and the way you approach yours isn't going to take anything away from anybody else. Do what feels right for you, regardless of what society has told you about what being trans is supposed to be like.

I hope this was helpful, and I wish you all the best in your journey of self-discovery! Feel free to reply to this or make a new thread if you want to discuss any of this further.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Thank you all so much for the support! Wow, I hope you know that your comments both mean a lot to me, I've never been able to talk about this sort of thing openly with anyone and it really feels good to know there are people out there experiencing the same sort of thing! This gives me a lot more solace, I never thought about being able to "try things out" before now, honestly I thought that gender was this big permanent thing that has to be set in stone but you're right, it doesn't cost me anything to just try on a different set of pronouns even if I figure out they might not be right for me. I can't believe it took me so long to realize that.

Thank you lovely people so much for your help! I wish you all the best![/size][/color][/font]