I think I’m on the Ace Spectrum? Is there a specific term for this?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]So until recently I believed I was a heterosexual 19 year old woman. However, I’ve talked to some friends recently and realized I might be on the asexual spectrum somewhere? I’m still not 100% sure. And I apologize if I say something that’s offensive or weird or anything. Basically, I’m ok with sexual stuff, and if my boyfriend ever wanted to do anything sexual I’m like 95% sure I’d be ok with it. But I don’t really seek sexual stuff out. I don’t really get “sexual urges” or anything from outside sources. I’m not completely repulsed by anything sexual, but I dont really seeing a lot either. In moderation, I guess, but that’s kind of normal I’d think. I don’t know if there’s a word for this, my friend suggested gray sexual but I’m not 100%. Ive been having a crisis about this since like 1am. I did research on the spectrum a bit because my sibling is AroAce, and I plan on revisiting that and talking to them tomorrow. Sorry if this didn’t make a lot of sense, this is just as much me just putting it out there for someone else to see as much as it’s asking for advice n stuff I guess. Thank you for reading[/size][/color][/font]

Well, first of all, your brain gets a lot more active laying in bed awake at 1am! Especially if you've had a significant amount of caffeine later in the afternoon or throughout the evening. It's reasonable how something your friends might have said or been talking about earlier might be weighing on your mind so late at night.

Personally, it took me more than a year to come to the realization and acceptance that I was asexual. I learnt of the term during Ace Pride 2012 and it interested me; but I did not jump on board with that label immediately. Instead, after learning of the term and its etymology (and its difference from the biological phenomenon), I became more mindful of my emotions. Was I repulsive towards certain things? Did I feel indifferent? I asked myself all these questions and made notes along the way.

Then sometimes in the Spring or Summer of 2014, I came to terms with it and used the label for myself the first time.

Sexuality and identity is a long-term process. It's not something that happens, literally, overnight. Your friends said something and maybe they've just planted the seeds! But it's going to be weeks, months, even years of self-exploration to see if you truly are asexual. Also, you are right, there are different aspects to asexuality.

The other thing to keep in mind: sexual orientation and romantic orientation are not mutually exclusive!

I'm wishing you the best of luck. Should you choose to explore this further, I'm here to provide insight and support along the way.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Thank you so much, I will definitely keep that in mind![/size][/color][/font]

[Everglow.]

Hey - AroAce here!

So, asexuality is definitely a spectrum! Since I settled on that as my label I've learnt a million different words for a million different variations of asexuality and I learn a new one every day. The thing I've found with the Ace community is they're very open people and there's words for just about everything, but because of that it's sometimes hard to find 'your' word. It's a journey and it's yours, so try not to panic about not knowing right away - nobody does really and that's fine. Identify with whichever term feels right in the moment, and if something else feels more right later, then you can always change your mind.

It sounds like you could be on the ace spectrum somewhere, as plenty of asexual people have sex and even enjoy it. It's not the act of sex itself that makes you asexual, but the lack of sexual attraction. The question to ask isn't 'would I have sex?', but 'do I experience sexual attraction'. Even then, you can experience sexual attraction sometimes, but mostly not at all - and that would make you greysexual.

I don't know if this is helpful to you, but I hope it is! For me, I found that social media taught me loads. I'm a member of facebook groups for asexual people, and although I never post and I mainly lurk, seeing other people talk about their experiences is validating and educational. I think that talking to your sibling is very similar, and if you're comfortable asking her it could be really helpful in picking apart your own feelings!

If you want to talk to anybody else then feel free to let me know! I'd be happy to answer questions if it's helpful. Remember you don't need to know right away, or ever, and whatever you identify, you'll be valid regardless.

[Ennui.]

AroAce here! I didn't ever really think I was heterosexual, but I went through labels like bisexual and lesbian and they never really fit me, because I never really experienced romantic or sexual attraction for anyone at all.

It is definitely possible that you're on the ace spectrum. You don't have to be sex repulsed to be asexual. While I'm sex positive, I'd never have sex myself. Other people who are asexual do have sex sometimes. For example, would you say that you only experience sexual attraction to people after building an emotional bond with them, such as is the case with your boyfriend? If that's the case, demisexual may fit you. Or, you may be grey. Don't get too hung up on the labels, though! You can just say you're on the ace spectrum if this is something you're comfortable with. You don't have to fit yourself into a box for anyone, just do you!

Try not to stress too much and instead try to enjoy the process of figuring out what you are comfortable with as far as labels, what you like and dislike, etc. Like Jenna said, this isn't a process that happens overnight, so you deserve to enjoy your time figuring things out.

Remember that if you do decide to have sex with your boyfriend to let him know if you ever do get uncomfortable, and don't be afraid to ask him to stop if you're not. It's okay to say no, and it's important that you don't push yourself into doing things that you may regret later.

Talking to your sibling sounds like a wonderful idea! You seem very supportive of them so they may be willing to share some of their experience with you and answer some of your questions. It's always great to have someone you can relate with in your life, and your sibling seems like they could be that person.