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Facing violence is I pursue dating this girl - September 27th 2013, 11:27 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi all! Its been a while since I've been here, but you folks always gave good advice!

I have a problem. Around 2 years ago I met a girl at work, and she rather quickly got with a guy who everyone knew was not right for her. I don't mean to be judgmental, but he had been abusive before and was this time. Not pretty.

Now they're broken up... After a what seemed a very messy 2 year relationship form the outside at least, as part of her friend group we would often console a sobbing girl.


5 months ago or so we went to a party together without said partner, and got put to bed very drunk in the same bed. One thing led to another - between two consenting adults and we slept together. I don't regret it as such, if she hadn't been with her boyfriend it would have happened a lot longer beforehand. Cheating is cheating nonetheless and I'm not proud of that. There is problem number 1, the guy is abusive and if he knows that happened I have no doubt there will be a physical confrontation, soon.

5 months later and I've come back from an extended vacation and she is now single. We met up as a group of friends and the moment we were alone she turns round and kisses me. No complaints here, I've been head of heels crazy for this girl for 2 years, BUT again, they've been broken up a month maybe? I'm unkeen to pursue anything quite so quickly on from that.

So! There you go, any ideas as to how to approach this without getting beaten the life out of me? Its not just him is the problem, in the small town I live in, he has a 'crew', if I get on their bad side I may as well consider not leaving my house again - and I don't even really feel safe there.

Any advice would be appreciated, and if this is in the wrong sub forum I apologize, but I would like to know about how to go about pursing dating her.

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Re: Facing violence is I pursue dating this girl - September 28th 2013, 01:36 PM

I would find out the circumstances of why they broke up. See how upset he is about it.

The next thing to do would be to just be careful. Usually after a longer relationship like that people need more then a month to move on, so give her more time if need be, it'll also give this guy a chance to move on. Just spend time together casually and getting to know each other better.

You shouldn't have to worry about this guy, but I'd keep track of interactions with him and who ever his "crew" is so that if it does start going sour you can pursue legal action with evidence. But if he isn't pining over her and/or trying to get her back then it's probably ok.

It's a tough call, all I can think of is to give them both time to sort of get over the break up

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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