My boyfriend came out as transgender.

[>_>]

Today during class I was on my phone texting and my boyfriend seemed upset. I said what's wrong, you can talk to me blah blah blah. He then said he's been feeling like he wants to be a girl and stuff and that he may be transgender and he wants to see a therapist to sort things out. I still love him but I'm kind of in shock. I just don't know what to do. I want to stay with him but this is all confusing....

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I understand that this is probably a confusing time for both of you! It may also feel a bit scary, especially for your partner.

Maybe you should sit down with your partner and talk to them. If you talk to him, however, remember that this is confusing and scary for your partner, too, so this should be done respectfully. For instance, do you have any questions that they may be able to answer, such as what pronouns/names to use when referring to them, or what you can do to be of support? Those are all reasonable things to ask. If you are unsure of what transgender is or want more information you can always ask this as well. Make it aware they should answer only what they feel comfortable with and you understand that this may be tough and scary right now, but you just want to do what you can to help.

You said you want to stay in the relationship and that is really wonderful. I think that unless your partner says any differently, you should treat them pretty much the same (except for using any appropriate pronouns, etc). If you are unsure if there is anything different you should do, you can definitely ask, but if you two are still dating then there's nothing wrong with still acting romantic and enjoying each other's company.

It is definitely understandable that you need to process things though and that is okay! I think it will become clearer over time once the initial shock has worn off.

-Dez

[Ambedo.]

Hey there!

As Dez said, the best thing to do is to have a conversation with your partner. Let them know that you would like to stay in the relationship, that they have your full support as they figure out what they want to do from here, and that your love for them has not changed. Perhaps you can prepare a list of questions that you have, as I'm sure there are quite a few. Some of these could include what pronouns they would like to have used, if they would still like you to use those pronouns when talking to someone that does not know (you don't want to accidentally out them, after all!), and what you can do to be the best supporter possible for them. Keep in mind that your partner is probably scared and confused, so be respectful of the fact that they might not have all the answers you are looking for yet or that they might not be comfortable answering certain questions at this time.

Take care!

[Mahray]

Talking. Talking is really really important, as Dez and Sammi said. For both of you, this is going to be a very confusing time. There are going to be all sorts of questions, concerns, comments. Things may not be exactly the same from here on in, but that's okay!

You still love your partner. Remember that, and things will go well

It is perfectly okay to be confused right now. Remember the important things, and work through what you need to. Don't be afraid to ask for advice, but (and big but) - don't let other people know unless you've got permission. It's a big deal for your partner, and he's probably scared and confused. Please respect their right to do things at their own pace.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

I can understand why you're feeling like you do right now. This is bound to be a confusing time for both you and your boyfriend, it's good that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Maybe you could do some research online to help your boyfriend out. It will also make you more knowledgable on the subject so you can help him through this. You could also look at counselling services in your area, and see if there is any way you guys can arrange some counselling sessions. I think the most important thing you can do is be supportive and just be there for your boyfriend whenever he wants to talk.

I wish you both the best of luck.
Paige

[Sara]

I had a similar, yet more tragic experience of this. That is how I found this website too!

It all comes down to your sexuality if you truly want to be with them still or not. If you love them for them regardless of what pronouns they may prefer or how you may look together in public, talk to them about it. Be with them on their journey.