TeenHelp
Get Advice Quick Ask Support Forums Today's Posts Chat Room

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Chat and Live Help Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Safety Zone
   Hotlines
   Alternatives
   Calendar
   The Holiday Resource


You are not registered or have not logged in
Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!) As a guest you can submit help requests, create and reply to Forum posts, join our Chat Room and read our range of articles & resources. By registering you will be able to get fully involved in our community and enjoy features such as connect with members worldwide, add friends & send messages, express yourself through a Blog, find others with similar interests in Social Groups, post pictures and links, set up a profile and more! Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
idontwantausername's Avatar
 

Posts: 6
Points: 4,468, Level: 9 Points: 4,468, Level: 9 Points: 4,468, Level: 9
Level up: 91% Level up: 91% Level up: 91%
Join Date: February 12th 2016

Question What do i do about my boyfriend?? - March 29th 2016, 09:19 PM

My boyfriend and I have been so in love for years now but he got arrested a while ago so i never see him anymore. He was perfect when i met him but since he went to jail he's picked up on the other inmates' violent mindsets and bad ideas and its scaring me. He says that when he gets out, he wants to kill everyone that has hurt me and that he learned how to cook drugs from another inmate so we're gonna be rich soon. I dont want money i just want my old boyfriend back. He never used to have such illegal ideas and all he did was smoke weed. He's really embraced the jail life and doesnt care if he goes back again. I love him like crazy and i promised him id wait for him but now hes almost done his sentence and i think i want to break up with him. I dont want to be involved with all the illegal activity because i want to work with kids when im older and need to keep my record clean for that. I feel like hes emotionally manipulating me into staying with him and i also feel used by him because he only ever talks about sex when he calls me now. I dont know if he's thinking about it so much all of the sudden because he's gone so long without it or because hes using me to fill his sexual desires/thoughts while hes in there. I dont really want to leave him because I'm the only person he has left and i keep my promises to my friends but his violence/drug talk is becoming too much for me. Its sad because jail turned a casual weed user into a violent 'gangster' and i dont know if he'll go back to who he was when he gets out or if he made to many friends in there to go back to who he used to be.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
JazzyJazz Offline
Associate HelpLINK Mentor
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
JazzyJazz's Avatar
 
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 391
Points: 5,906, Level: 11 Points: 5,906, Level: 11 Points: 5,906, Level: 11
Level up: 33% Level up: 33% Level up: 33%
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: September 15th 2015

Re: What do i do about my boyfriend?? - March 30th 2016, 02:37 AM

Hey.

I think that it is perhaps a good idea to wait and see how he is when he gets out of jail and returns to civilian life. At first, he will almost certainly be how he has been whilst inside, but over time he may return to how he was. You have to bear in mind that he will no longer have direct contact with the other inmates, so there is every chance that once he is surrounded by "nice" people again, he will soften.

Being put in jail is, as you might imagine, very difficult from a psychological perspective. You have to be seen to be tough or you are targetted. There are all kinds of social hierarchies and rules that we don't necessarily have in the outside world. It is understandable that he has turned into a tough guy in order to survive in there.

He may also be quite bitter about being put in there in the first place and this, combined with the fact that he is surrounded by people who will have killed or seriously hurt others, could be what is fuelling his desire to kill the people who have hurt you. However, he may not still feel that this is something he wants to do once he is back with the rest of society.

It is also understandable that he wants to talk to you about things of a sexual nature, as this is not something he will be able to do in an intimate way with the people he is with. Of course, it has the effect of making you feel used, but I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, i.e. he does still like you for the person that you are, rather than because you have a vagina. I guess this will either be proved or disproved once he is released.

As for the drugs thing; again, this could be something that is on his mind because of the people he mixes with. He may also be thinking about how he is going to pay his way once he is out of jail and could well have come to the conclusion that cooking drugs is easier than trying to find a legitimate job.

Like I said, I think it is best to wait until he is out before you make any decisions about whether you want to stay with him. And even then, give him some time to settle back into "normal" life. I do think that if he is still talking about violence and/or drugs after a couple of weeks of being out, you should tell him straight that you do not want to be with someone who is involved with either of those things. Give him the opportunity to let all of that go if he still wants to be with you.

Of course, it is entirely up to you whether you do wait and give him that chance, or whether you cut your losses and end things now. I just think you should consider the fact that who he is on the phone is not necessarily who he will be once he is out of jail.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck with it.

~ Jasmine


Be kind to yourself.
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
boyfriend, confusion, drugs, emotional problems, fear, jail, manipulation, violence

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 
User Infomation
Your Avatar

Latest Articles & News

Statistics
Members: 97,481
Threads: 161,512
Posts: 1,387,026
Total Online: 247

Newest Member: gennythomas

Advertisement



All material copyright 1998-2023, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.